Here's to my wobbly bits

I know it's the New Year and everyone is resolving to get themselves back in shape or just become a shape that's not round and I am not any different in that respect. I am not trying to be anything special really but I have failed badly at my quit sugar and lose my belly resolution. I lasted a whole day before going to town on chocolate and I cant say my moon face is giving me good feelings.
I recently read something in a women's magazine, which are well known for their pandering to women's insecurities, saying that if you are hung up on your body image (and what woman isn't) then a good way to feel better about how your body looks is to spend a few moments looking at yourself in the mirror before getting into the shower. I am assuming the idea behind this is that it normalises your flaws or something like that. I did take the opportunity to try this myself because it certainly seemed easier than reining in my sugar binge. So upon stepping into the shower, I paused and gazed at my reflection and thought to myself that it looks like a dress that needs to be ironed. It's a lovely thought to have about your own body and I can't say I have repeated the experience since. I prefer to avert my gaze lest I accidentally glimpse cellulite and have to acknowledge it so I prefer to jump into the shower quickly like a flesh coloured blur passing the mirror. The only upside to that whole experience is it did cause me to start reviewing some of my food choices. By this I mean I went from stuffing my face with Chocolate with my head firmly in denial to stuffing my face with chocolate but feeling immensely guilty about what I was doing. I had reached the malteasers phase of chocolate eating. Sadly I have done this whole binge eating to clean eating enough times that I follow an actual pattern. The malteasers eating always comes at the end because there's something in them that always makes me feel profoundly sad. I am aware this is weird but it also makes me question the ingredients of them. Anyway there's only so much of that I can take and it usually leaves me here, in full detox mode.

Life would be so much easier if I could just find a good eating plan and stick with it but then again there are like a million diet books on the market at any given time so clearly I am not the only women who finds herself in this predicament on a semi regular basis. It's probably too soon to announce that I am back on the wagon given that I'm only two days into eating well and there's every chance I will stumble on a weak moment and find myself secretly eating a share size bag of malteasers and hiding the wrapper, as though that makes the experience less glutinous. Here I am with great intentions as if I have any other kind. I have been gradually getting myself back into the gym since Christmas ended and hoping that somehow exercising will make me want to make better food choices. Now that I have started, I am, as always, impatient to see changes and have already stood in front of the mirror trying to see if my skin looks clearer, my belly smaller. Obviously I look exactly the same because that's not how it works but here's to staying on the straight and narrow and to seeing positive changes in my body. It will be like a reward for my good behaviour but until then, here's to my wobbly bits.