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  When I first began exploring the possibility I could be autistic, one of the things or that threw me as I didn't seem to have any special interests or at least none that presented the way I had been led to believe special interests did. This is one of the many ways the big focus on autism as it presents in young boys, is doing everyone who does not fit that category a huge disservice. It is a big part of the reason so many of us fall through the cracks. we are missing all the signs because we haven't been told what to look for.  I started to uncover more about this side of myself when I did my deep dive, this involved reading up on autistic women, listening to autistic voices ( if this sounds like scientific research I will have you know it mostly involved watching tik toks) and teasing it out in therapy. I discovered this, special interests among autistic women often present a little differently than they do in men and also they can have layers. So you can have a strong or i

If I was to give someone one piece of advice before exploring if they too are on the neurospicy side, thinking they may be autistic or have Adhd or similar, I would say make sure you are in a good headspace because it's a lot. The reality is that I have always been autistic and it just took me 41 years to put the pieces together. I would like to chalk this up to the lack of research on how autism presents in women and my amazing masking skills (so good I even fooled myself into thinking I was just a bit weird) and not me being a bit dim for not following the breadcrumbs back to the very obvious conclusion. The thing is you will have a lot of could I be autistic, maybe I am, those traits sure sound like me and oh wait no that one doesn't so I guess I'm not, clearly I'm just quirky and also need to lie in a dark room for a few hours after socialising. Its hard to accurately impart a tone within a blog post so I will just clarify that I was being a little tongue in cheek.

 So I, at the age of 41, have come to the realization that I am autistic.  Growing up I always had a feeling something about me was a little bit off. I never quite fit in and I wasn't sure why. It was like everyone had been given a book of rules of how to exist in society but no one had thought to hand me a copy. Looking back with hindsight the signs were there. I was a super sensitive kid, a sensitivity I have not lost in adulthood, I cried very easily and felt every emotion very deeply. I was a picky eater and very particular about the textures of different food. I was very sensitive to light and noise and the feel of different fabrics. I was never a hugger. all of these things are as true about me now as they were when I was younger. I am socially awkward, I don't make friends that easily and will joke I am an acquired taste. Eye contact is something I have to actively work on and small talk feels like torture.  I thrive on alone time, I am incredibly sensitive to the moods