So you're autistic, now what?


If I was to give someone one piece of advice before exploring if they too are on the neurospicy side, thinking they may be autistic or have Adhd or similar, I would say make sure you are in a good headspace because it's a lot.

The reality is that I have always been autistic and it just took me 41 years to put the pieces together. I would like to chalk this up to the lack of research on how autism presents in women and my amazing masking skills (so good I even fooled myself into thinking I was just a bit weird) and not me being a bit dim for not following the breadcrumbs back to the very obvious conclusion.

The thing is you will have a lot of could I be autistic, maybe I am, those traits sure sound like me and oh wait no that one doesn't so I guess I'm not, clearly I'm just quirky and also need to lie in a dark room for a few hours after socialising. Its hard to accurately impart a tone within a blog post so I will just clarify that I was being a little tongue in cheek. Everyone gets bursts of imposter syndrome on their autism journey because as the saying goes when you've met one autistic person then you've met one autistic person. While we may see some of our traits reflected in others we are unique individuals.

The really good part of the autism journey is so much of your life begins to make sense and you piece together bits of your past in a new light now you have the context of autism. You start to see how many things you experienced that weren't actually your fault, your brain is just wired differently and it's like life gifted you a really complicated jigsaw puzzle but someone threw out the box with the completed picture. And now you know you're autistic you can finally start putting the pieces together. You also get to cut yourself some slack, allow yourself to rest more and start to work out how you can accommodate your autism in day to day life. I appreciate not everyone will end up semi converting their bedroom into a sort of sensory room but the bat cave (as I have affectionately named it) is one of the better things I have done for myself. It has also allowed me to recognise the good qualities that are related to my autism. I am really good at getting a read on people. I pick up on emotions of those around me, I have amazing attention to detail which makes me super thoughtful. I can easily retain information that interests me. I read a ridiculous amount and am fairly articulate because of it. I am really good at connecting with the people I have supported through work. all of these are closely connected with me being autistic which is great because I have checked and their is no manager and your autism cannot be returned.

There is obviously a downside too. I know that this part is hardest post autism discovery and I have it on good authority that you adjust six months to a year after having this revelation. This is not to say the difficult part of Autism actually goes anywhere just that you learn to make accommodations in your life so it doesn't have as much of a knock on effect. First thing I have noticed is how easily overwhelmed and over stimulated I get now. One long day at work and my brain is practically fizzy from over stimulation. A busy day off work can hit me just the same. This means my sleep is now more frequently interrupted. Also my need for rest is so much higher. I am so very tired almost all of the time and caffeine can only do so much when the tiredness is more than physical. I am factoring in lots of extra rest and being very dull and anti social while I adjust to this. I had initially thought that I couldn't be autistic because I don't really have meltdowns until I read more about them and discovered that I do. Mine usually materialize as lots of crying set off for no apparent reason as the worlds best crier it is no wonder I didn't immediately spot the cat among the pigeons. I am also rather partial to a shut down which is where I get overwhelmingly exhausted ( recently this has been happening at work and out in public) and I feel like I am struggling to keep my eyes open, form sentences and I will find simple demands and things like replying to text messages completely overwhelming. I am also noticing my noise sensitivity has jumped up a notch and I now own a variety of ear and head phones to manage this.

I am of course working through all of this in therapy. My therapist has praised me for approaching this with curiosity but I wont say that I am positive about it all. It has been really tough at times and I am doing what I can to get through. It does help that Autism has become my new special interest and I am collecting autism information like pokemon cards. It is of course incredibly helpful that I found myself a therapist who is also autistic because I am exploring it all in a safe space and its incredibly validating. I feel like we would get on in the real world and sometimes she shares things so its almost like she a friend except I pay €70 to see her and that means I get to hog the conversation. 

As always I am hopeful I will figure this out and in time I will learn how to win at autism. or at least co exist peacefully with my autistic self 

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