What to do if you think you might be autistic
a lot of people struggling with self disclosing that they are autistic but I seem to have the opposite problem. I have worked through much of my autism journey by sharing my thoughts on it with others, regardless of whether they actually asked me to. If I have info dumped autism on you against your will then I would like to formally apologise.
I have often found when speaking to people about my own lived experiences I will meet others who resonate with what I am saying, sometimes because they too have questioned their own identity and felt out of place in the neuro-typical world.
I will usually have an idea that I have spotted another neurodivergent in the wild especially if we are vibing a little too well together. If you feel we are on the same wave length then oh boy do I have news for you.
However that being said, I cannot speak to someones internal experience so I am not going around declaring others to be part of my neuro divergent tribe. I will say this though, if you have spoken to me and felt my experience feels eerily familiar and the same applies if reading my words hits a nerve then I will advise you to do this;
Take an online autism test like the cat-q, raads r or aq test and see how you score. If possible then do all three.
Next seek out an autistic creator or two on youtube or tik tok. Perhaps you will find their experiences sound nothing like yours and the traits they describe are not ones you have and that might end your journey. Typically speaking neurotypical people do not spend large amounts of time investigating if they are in fact neurodivergent. They will see enough to think that does not sound like me and continue on their merry way. The desire to a deep dive into neurodivergent brains just to be sure is in fact a uniquely neurodivergent experience.
Then read a book or two on autism. There are so many out there now with a lot of different ways of approaching the topic. There are people accounting their own experiences, self help books, informative factual books on autism or various aspects of it. Just to be really sure I read 13. I do like to be thorough.
There is a possibility this might be enough for you and you might accept your autistic identity and reach out to meet others who are also autistic, there are many places online where you can do this.
My next step however was to go speak to a neuroaffirming therapist. She did not have the power to diagnose me but it did give me some room to explore the possibility I was autistic. It helped for me that my therapist was herself autistic and so was able to validate my experiences so far.
I probably could have left it there. In my early 40s there is no discernible benefit to having a formal diagnosis but I wanted the validation. It felt important to me to hear a professional say it so I could know this wasn't something I had made up in my head just to feel a sense of belonging.
I had seen someone on social media discussing the process of getting a diagnosis through the adult autism practice and got a good vibe from it and so decided that when it was financially viable that I would do the same.
Applying for the assessment meant I had to retake some of the online autism tests on their website as well as an adhd test. I did not feel I met the adhd criteria but I think they always check because so many people who are autistic also have adhd. I then filled in a form asking questions around the autism criteria and filling in information in each section to see where my own experiences align. This included questions around sensory issues, special interests, socialising and reactions to change among others. There was the option to get someone who knew you from childhood to film in another form or someone who knows you now. I asked my boyfriend to submit something here.
I then went on to their site and picked the psychologist I would like to do my assessment and my booked myself in for a video call with her. I chose the option of having one session and deciding from there if I would continue with the process because getting a private autism assessment is spendy and I wanted to be sure I was not spending a huge chunk of money just to be told I'm just a bit odd.
In call one we go through some of my answers with the opportunity for me to give more details. She had helpfully put the information I had given into categories which each one being a criteria for autism. My psychologist was really nice and incredibly supportive and I felt quite emotional breaking my life down into autistic traits and experiences. after session one she was able to say my experiences so far aligned with the criteria and this encouraged me to book the final two sessions.
While waiting on the next session my psychologist asked for some more information on the areas we would be covering. This was in the interest of thoroughness and to ensure we had enough time to go over everything in full.
This is where my own research into autism and my quest to uncover my identity paid off because I had looked at my own behaviour in such detail to see where it aligned with autism before seeking out a professional and this really helped in answering these questions.
By session 3 we had officially confirmed my autism diagnosis and organised all the official documentation .
Now all that's left is going through my life so far but examining it under an autistic lens but that's a work in progress
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