The Laura Conundrum

I realized today that meditation might not be quite as effective as I'd hoped it would when I became incredibly stressed because my boyfriend suggested we go on another holiday when I next had a weekend off. Now for most people, I know this is not something to get stressed over but I guess it's just how I am wired. I know without having to think too hard about it that there isn't a hope in hell that on my current wages of me taking off any time soon. So a mention of a holiday made me think of all of the other things I am trying to pay for in the next few weeks and lets just say it did not fill me with happy feelings. I had kind of hoped that meditating for a few minutes a day might calm me down or quieten the constant chatter in my head reminding me of all the reasons to be worried but so far I am finding myself to be more or less the same.

 I am determined to keep going. I using a thing called headspace on my phone and it talks you through a 10 minute meditation but I find as it starts, I am already impatient for it to be over so I can go do all of the things that I need to do. Yes, I am actually too impatient to meditate. I have done 5 days so far and on two of those, I left it late and ended up falling asleep during. Last night I was also battling a cramp in my calves so my legs were driving me crazy plus there seems to be an overall reluctance to actually clear my head of thoughts. If you've never tried it then let me reassure you that its harder than you think.

 I'll keep working on it and who knows I might be a convert by the end of it plus I have a lovely iherb delivery coming to me Monday (I hope) and I've been tracking the packages' progress on  the DPD website. As well as protein (at long last) I also have some ps100 on the way which will lower my cortisol levels and hopefully this will help make me a bit less of a stress bag. 
Despite my mornings rather stressful start and my overall reluctance to leave the sun to go bake in the oven of a shop, my day and evening passed okay and I made it home intact to burrito on my couch with a snack before bed. Maybe all of this attempted meditation will rub off and I will wake in the morning a refreshed and destressed version of myself and if not I will have the thought of a sunday off to keep me going.

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