*Special effects may have been applied ....

This morning I was in a hotel leisure centre changing room putting on my new swimsuit when I happened to think it didn't look too bad on me so I snapped a quick photo and sent it to my boyfriend which probably says more about the world we are now living in than anything else. The thing is I didn't just send the photo as is, first I cropped out most of my fat arms and applied a filter that was a little more flattering because God forbid I send a photo of what I really look like. If I had been so inclined I wouldn't have to stop there, my phone has features to widen my eyes and smooth out all my blemishes until the finished photo looks fantastic but also nothing like me in daylight. 

The duplicity doesn't end there. It begins with the swimsuit itself which comes with ultra flattering padding on the boobs both lifting them and hiding my awful secret that like most women I come equipped with nipples which are visible when I'm cold and my favourite feature of all, the built in tummy control. Now if ever there was a woman who needed this feature, its me right now. Between the workouts I am not doing but am sometimes thinking about and my love affair with sour dough bread, my tummy is very much in need of controlling. I was somewhat pleased with the end effect even if it is a lie. I can't say I am overwhelmed with guilt because my boyfriend has seen me first thing in the morning and even just home from night shift so he knows what I really look like before all the magic ( ala make up and flattering clothing) happens. 

In the end it all feeds into this lie we tell with our online lives, few of us willing to be honest.We untag ourselves in photos where we look fat and have learned to take selfies from an angle that shows us in our best light and if that fails surely one of the 200 filters built into most smartphones can take the edges off until the face we present to the world is the best possible version of ourselves. 

Much as I complain about this phenomenon, I would love to take some of my filters into real life because I am certain that if I looked like I do in certain glowy lights I would surely be happy. Perhaps I just need to work harder to control my post night shift cravings and the laziness that ensues so eventually I have a tummy that stays where it should without extra help but until that happens I will be here behind a veneer of filters and clothes that suck me in and pull me up. 

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