There's nothing here for me to eat

I realised recently that its been five years since I picked up my first Kettlebell and maybe three since I began Crossfit. I have also spent the majority of this time sort of eating healthy and then falling off the wagon in a dramatic fashion. In all this time the one thing I haven't managed to find is some motivation so I do really well for a few weeks and suddenly I'm skipping classes and stuffing my face. Not to mention the 9 month break I took when I delved into Social care work. This should explain to you why I am not the paragon of fitness you might expect given how long I've been with my gym. My 6 year old niece drew the picture above for my birthday. It's very sweet but it also depicts me lifting a much heavier bar than anything I have lifted thus far and I took it as a reminder  to get my act together.

It's weird how fitness goals shift over time. I know I have been stuck in pretty much the same place for about three years thanks to Facebook sharing blog posts I have written over this time and I see the same themes re-emerging but I have moved on from this bizarre notion of a flat midriff which may be out of my reach and will now settle for a pair of jeans not made of stretchy fabric that don't feel like they are killing me. This will hopefully be a little more achievable. 
Naturally if I get stronger and just better at Crossfit while doing this then that would also be great.

I have had a few weeks of appalling eating and not training so I forced myself back down to the gym and relied on my liver to give me a much needed wake up call. This is when a few minutes into my first class back I found myself so sick and dizzy that I couldn't see where I was going. Its getting a little better since then, only marginally so because it took me another week to actually quit sugar (again !). Somehow I had managed to forget how horrible that experience is. I have had 4 days of; tiredness, being overly emotional, hungry all the time and the most unbelievable brain fog ( I am pretty sure my I.Q. has dropped temporarily) that I have ever experienced.And yet I am still fat. Well obviously because it takes more than 4 days. 

Hopefully I will get there or at least get somewhere. This time around I am better equipped. I have been cooking up a storm and have recently been gifted some lovely cookery books and a food processor ( this is the best thing ever). Today alone I cooked chilli and soup and also made two kinds of hummus and energy bites. I am also finding it easier to get myself down the gym. The workouts themselves are all kinds of painful and I am embarrassingly weak/ unfit. We had to do a ridiculous amount of Burpees today and I actually nearly died ( on the plus side I didn't actually die). 

So here's to actually achieving some fitness goals, eating better food and no longer feeling like my pants are trying to kill me.