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Today I had one of those days where I was on the move all day and I have the step count to prove it. I was actually buzzing around work so much looking for the next thing to do that it was actually suggested to me more than once that I take a break ( my allocated break that is) but I didn't want to or wasn't able to because there was a buzzing in my head that told me my anxiety is alive and kicking and in some strange way I felt that maybe if I didn't stop I could outrun this vicious swirl of thoughts. Obviously at some point I have to stop because I am not the energizer bunny and long as my work day might be, it does have an allocated end. This just leaves me and my worries, some rational, some not to dance the rest of the night away. I find myself home alone as I rush home desperate to have to some time in, my other half works from here and can never seem to wait to get out and see people. This leaves me with silence and subtle distractions but my thoughts are loude...

These days I find going out for the night to be considerably more challenging. The main reason for this is that I suffer from social anxiety. The other factor is that I no longer drink. I did find alcohol to be a fantastic social crutch but it's been two years now since I last imbibed and honestly you think I'd have evolved into someone slightly more socially competent in that time. Spoiler alert, I haven't. Now don't get me wrong, I don't regret stopping. Eventually I reached a point in my life where alcohol took more from me than it offered and by that stage I was maybe having a few glasses of wine every two weeks or so. It was the equivalent of giving up something you don't really enjoy for lent, if lent was to last two years. I don't miss the hangovers or the fear that last days or the exhaustion and that awful sense of having done or said something really stupid.  So this leaves me feeling jittery still when a social occasion arises and with nothing...

Here's a question. How come usually I am a reasonably articulate woman who is more than capable of clearly expressing her views but sit me in front of an interview panel and I forget how to compose sentences in recognisable English. No matter how much preparation I put in, in advance, it all kind of falls apart once I start being asked questions. If I was to state two reasons why I am not further along in my career, and I probably need somebody to limit me to two or I'd get a bit carried away, then I would have to say fear (of failure, of not being experienced or qualified enough for the position I have put myself forward for ) and how I come across in interviews. Sometimes I do well and more often I must come across a babbling lunatic but I have often have difficulty telling which ones will get me a call back and which ones will live on in my awkward hall of fame. I may not have much experience in social care at this point in my life but I have a lot of social care inte...

Here I am with my very first world problem. I am extremely bored. Not just right now at this very moment in time but just generally in my life. I am fully aware that things could be much worse, I could be in some deep funk of a depression or battling through an illness or even experiencing some sort of terrible hardship and I am not. My biggest complaint at this moment in time is that my life feels a bit meh.So I probably wont be starting a go fund me page anytime soon to help dig me out of this groove my life has fallen into, I can't even pinpoint one thing in particular that is really bothering me or perhaps its just that everything is. Work is going fine or as fine as its going to go. We are often under pressure with not enough hands to do all the work but I do manage to snatch a moment most days that reminds why I am in the job I am in. I am neither overly happy nor unhappy in my current job. My relationship is fine, not amazing but not bad either. We have just fallen in ...

Once again Valentines Day is here and the final instalment of the Fifty Shades series had made its way into the cinema leaving ladies all over Ireland all a flutter. I for one will be sitting this movie out. When the books first came out I gave in to curiosity and read the first one which turned out to be every bit as terrible as I feared and sadly I will never get that time back. The terrible writing aside, the story rang a few alarm bells for me. I have written about this topic before but it hasn't ceased to be relevant. Let me share the story of my own Mr Grey. Before anybody starts squirming uncomfortably I will reassure you that there are no sexy bits in my story. Probably why it has never become a bestselling book. In my last year of college, my confidence was at an all time low. I was going out and leaving my self esteem in my other handbag. On one of these nights out I ended up meeting Mr Grey (lets just say his real name is a lot less sexier). He was a few years young...

I wasn't going to post a photo of myself in underwear on my blog (people could be eating while reading it) so instead I opted for the most covered up photo I have of myself. As I mentioned before I have recently gained some weight and unfortunately this means a lot of stuff that was fitting me doesn't any more. I am working on fixing this ( by eating healthier) but its an incredibly slow process so in the meanwhile getting dressed to go places that are not work is a bit of an ordeal. As most of you know when your weight goes up so does your bra size. This makes sense so it was hardly the most surprising thing to have happened to me over the last few months. My way of managing this was to bravely ignore the problem ( perhaps bravely is not the word I am looking for) and to only occasionally wear regular bras but instead live in some sort of hybrid between a sports bra and vest. I decided today was the day to fix this but I clearly had forgotten how much of an ordeal this could...

I haven't really written anything in quite a while. Its probably fair to say that I haven't really been myself. I finished my month of nights last month and I have kind of floundered around the place trying to find my footing the real world. I have been feeling quite down ever since coming off nights. I have only just started tackling my abysmal post nights diet so I am eating healthy but still look like a jelly baby. My energy levels are still low, I haven't been reading which is really strange for me and I haven't even had the tiniest urge to blog. All in all this is not the worlds greatest tragedy by any measure but I am a woman prone to anxiety and depression (to a lesser degree) and I feel as though I have been letting it consume me. Driving home from another long day at work, I had an epiphany. I realised that this anxious state was consuming me simply because I was giving it permission to do so and it is up to me to start making changes or else this will go on ...