Some days are made for not standing still

Today I had one of those days where I was on the move all day and I have the step count to prove it. I was actually buzzing around work so much looking for the next thing to do that it was actually suggested to me more than once that I take a break ( my allocated break that is) but I didn't want to or wasn't able to because there was a buzzing in my head that told me my anxiety is alive and kicking and in some strange way I felt that maybe if I didn't stop I could outrun this vicious swirl of thoughts.

 Obviously at some point I have to stop because I am not the energizer bunny and long as my work day might be, it does have an allocated end. This just leaves me and my worries, some rational, some not to dance the rest of the night away.

 I find myself home alone as I rush home desperate to have to some time in, my other half works from here and can never seem to wait to get out and see people. This leaves me with silence and subtle distractions but my thoughts are louder and they are bolder and they wont stop until I am whirring like my brain. 

This is the wonderful world of anxiety. If none of this sounds familiar then count yourself very lucky because while I have times where everything feels relatively calm, this is always waiting for me. Hiding around the next corner or the last good day is a cloud of worry and sad. 

 And so I am not making big plans right now. I am working on getting myself to bedtime without worrying about the uncontrollable parts of my life like finances and relationships.To fall asleep without a thousand what ifs and one sided arguments .I just want to forget and distract and push myself to tomorrow where the chaos of work can drown out the chaos within and once again I can be busy enough 

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