Queen of Indecision

It's been a big year for me as these things go and I'm sure anyone who has read more than one recent blog post is well aware of this fact because I can't seem to shut up about it. Sorry about that folks I lead a busy life and I don't have time to keep up a blog and a diary so this is a bit of both. Anyway I have found something weird has happened to me in the last year or so and it's that I seem to have lost the ability to make plans. Which is how I have ended up with an expired passport and two random weeks booked off over the summer but no actual plans made for them ( I left it so late I just had to take weeks that no one else had booked rather than being able to pick times I'd like to be off) 

 So last summer I was in the same predicament but that was different. I know why I was so indecisive. I guess ultimately I knew my relationship was ending well before my ex was willing to admit it but then again he was a bury his head in the sand kind of guy (by sand I mean bottle of wine) so while he was asking about where we would go over the summer and other people would casually asked after my summer plans I was super casual about the whole thing because what I couldn't say was that I couldn't book a holiday with someone that I might not be dating in a few weeks time. I am really bad with confrontation so in fact the break up didn't happen until just after we had been away for a week together. Fun holiday suggestion, don't go on a holiday if you're pretty sure a break up is imminent. Take it from me.

 Anyway the last nine months have been a big upheaval for me and for the most part its been a positive experience but I think after so long in a relationship I am still in the business of figuring out who I am when I am not someone's girlfriend. In many ways I am not sure what I want to do with my life (except that I am happy to stay in the social care field) so in a way what I am doing with my summer seems like small fry in comparison. 

 One example of my apparent indecisiveness is how I managed to miss Wellfest this year. I had followed the instagram account some time back and was aware of the dates but I let the early bird tickets pass me by and then the time went closer and I never got around to booking the time off work or making any effort to get a ticket at all or even inquired about having that weekend off and then I saw I was down to work over that weekend so I raged at myself as I saw on social media everything I was missing. I bought myself an early bird ticket for next year as a health and wellness festival actually sounds like a festival I would enjoy and I am determined to not keep letting life pass me by.

 As for my whole passport issue I am not sure what's holding me back. Perhaps I am just using it as a convenient excuse to not be able to book a proper holiday. At the moment my social life isn't exactly active and I am not quite sure who I want to go on holiday with. Would going on holiday mean going solo?, I think that's possibly one of the things stopping me from making any moves at all because despite being pretty happy in my own company, I'm not sure how I feel about that concept at all. 

 I'm sure it will all work out and eventually I will get to the root of the problem or maybe just start by making small plans rather than big excuses and eventually I will be demoted until I am merely a duchess of indecision and not the queen

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