A woman online


To be a woman online is quite a daunting prospect. This is a fact many men have great difficulty fathoming but I would say it is probably more unusual for a man to be made to feel deeply uncomfortable or unsafe from just internet contact. Now, you there in the back, before you hit me with not all men. I know this. I fully accept that not every man I speak to is going to be a creep or in any way a threat to me but on the other hand it is fair to see I have had the misfortune to encounter many who fall into this category and it makes me a little wary in my online interactions.

 So I have a little bit of online presence. In that I use a variety of social media so I suppose it does make certain details of my life somewhat accessible. I obviously have this blog but I have never had unwanted attention because of that. Largely I believe because my following is pretty small and I would say 99% of my readership are people who have actually met me in person but that's cool because this is really a creative outlet for me and anyone else reading it is a bonus.

 I am also on Facebook but I generally just scroll through my newsfeed and use it for sharing blogposts, that and it would feel weird to not have Facebook even if it doesn't really get much use. So its safe to say Facebook is a relatively safe space for me.

 The trouble really is with Snap chat and the dating site I'm on Plenty of fish although I have had a few randomers sliding into my dm's on instagram (private messages). I am single almost a year now which is kind of crazy and mostly it's been good. I enjoy living by myself and just having my own space plus the freedom to plan my free time as it suits me. For some reason my move to Kilkenny coincided with a sudden desire to join Snapchat despite shrugging and saying I didn't really get it as a medium while everyone else I knew was snapping away. Also my social life isn't exactly hopping and mostly I'm cool with that so it does make meeting new people a little tricky. So I thought I was being very smart indeed by joining a free dating site so I could see what was out there and perhaps by the time I was ready to re-enter the murky dating pool that I'd have figured out what I was looking or even gasp be dating someone lovely without even expecting to meet them.

 Naturally as with all things life doesn't always go to plan. Now I would like to point out that I have had a few nice and normal interactions with guys I have chatted to on this dating site. I have even had a few dates, it's fair to say I haven't clicked with anyone so far. As well as that I have numerous offers of sex, threesomes plus weirder and wilder things. I have received abusive messages for not responding at all, for not responding fast enough, for being friendly and then saying I wouldn't be willing to drive 3 or 4 hours just to go on a date (allegedly this is leading someone on. One guy felt so angry about this that he tracked down my facebook to message me there because I had blocked him in two other places). I have had many guys push for dates very early into a conversation which to me is the same as the sad coded requests for sex (if you are only after the ride the least you can do is type the word sex rather than using innuendo like some 15 yr old not able to say the word) or an alarming number of men suggest that I can just call to their house/ they can just call to mine or we can meet somewhere secluded for a so called first date and accuse me of being a bit paranoid for saying that I prefer to meet somewhere public until I get the opportunity to get a sense of what they are like as a person or see if I am even attracted to them when we meet.
There are two elements here, one is that I loathe awkwardness. So if we meet somewhere where it is awkward for me to leave then I will feel the need to stay longer than I want to if we don't click but mostly what is at the back of my mind (as it is for many women) is my own personal safety. I can't take the word of a stranger that he's a decent guy sure don't even serial killers claim that. And I am so sick of having to defend my right to look after myself with men I don't know.

 Then of course we have Snapchat and I am delighted to say the dick pic epidemic has almost died off completely although a stray one does get through. I recently got into an argument with a man online as I referred to dick pic senders collectively as sexual deviants and he got really offended. He did come off his high horse just a little when I clarified that these were photos I had not requested nor encouraged and in fact in some cases had specifically asked to not be sent. I have my username on my dating ac because in someways I find snapchat an easier medium to chat on than the dating site and also I update my story fairly frequently so it gives someone a reasonably good chance to work out if I would really annoy them in person which is a real time saver as these things go. Weirdly most of the guys I chat to seem to be laboring under the illusion that they are the only guy I'm chatting to. I am a realist so I like to keep my options open until I actually meet someone I am into. Also considering I have a ludicrous amount of self claimed nice guys in my friends list, almost all of them have somehow managed to work sex into the conversation. From lying in bed feeling horny, to talking about the effect a photo in my story has on them to offering to show me and they wonder why I am wary. I mean I am happy to take a compliment but is it too much to hope for that I might get a date with someone who has an actual interest in getting to know me.

 This whole experience has a way of making one feel very jaded with both social media and the whole modern dating experience. That being said I haven't given up on being a woman online just yet, So I'll hang on in there being my sarcastic and cynical self 

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