Almost 40


 This is my first post in over a year. I think I had actually forgotten I even had a blog. At some point I felt I had covered all the good topics and with nothing new to offer then what is there to write about. 

However in exactly thirty days I will be leaving my thirties forever, I am pretty sure that's how growing older works for everyone but still. I am still grasping with the fact that I am about to be forty. I mean I am told I don't look my age and I mostly definitely don't feel it and yet despite all this I find myself hurtling into a new decade.

I am not entirely sure this is where I pictured my life at almost forty. Not that I ever spent that much time projecting myself that far ahead but I think on some level I thought I would have it figured out. I don't, not at all. I feel as though I am a much younger person impersonating a fully grown adult and some point someone in my life will have their aha moment and out me as an imposter. 

I mean adulting is not always that great, a lot of it seems to be responsibilities, paying bills and feeling tired. I did attempt to cancel my subscription to adulthood and embrace my true calling as a human burrito but apparently no one will pay me for that.

This decade creeping by has made me feel a bit reflective on the things my thirties brought and looking back I can see a lot of growth happened.

In my twenties I didn't really know myself or feel comfortable in my skin but I did manage to get myself a degree and finally learn to drive plus a whole rake of learning experiences that I am happy to never repeat.

In my thirties however I became more myself. I embraced my introvert side and everything that comes with it. I stopped drinking which was a major change. yes it made me less sociable but ultimately happier. Life without the fear is definitely a better life. I finally got working in social care and discovered the difference having a job I love as opposed to a job I tolerate. 

I left an unhappy long term relationship and started over in Kilkenny, discovering a level of independence and comfort in my own company I had never known before.

I got some much needed counselling, I discovered hiking and very very amateur photography and a great appreciation for the outdoors.

So while I approach my next decade with a degree of trepidation, there is also anticipation of what's to come in the years ahead.

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