The demise of drunk Laura

Behold in their glory, a selection of images of me under the influence. I am certain that a much greater number of photos have been taken of me drunk, in college we only ever took a camera out if a few drinks had been had but I went through a somewhat self conscious phase post college and deleted a great number of unflattering( overly fat or drunk ) photos. Drunk Laura was someone I used to speak about in the third person in order to explain away my escapades and by Irish standards I was for the most part not a particularly bad drunk.

It has at this point in time been 9 months and 8 days since Drunk Laura last made an appearance. The delightful thing in making New Years Eve the day you decide to take a break is that it makes it very easy to keep a clear record of how much time has passed. I think initially I was partaking in dry January. This is usually something taken on by people who had over done in December, which I don't really think I had but I was glad of an excuse to take some time away from hangovers. Particularly because my post New Year's hangover was a pretty woeful one. Somehow that crept into February and within a few weeks I was doing regular waking nights which have the delightful capacity to allow me to experience a hangover type sensation without me actually imbibing any alcohol. I guess I could say I had lost interest in it but it wasn't a big deal.

In the many months that have passed I have managed to admit to myself that I don't really like alcohol all that much, which is funny when you consider I had my first drink at 14 so it only took me 18 years to work that out. I did enjoy the confidence boost it gave me, taking me from my naturally introverted state to an extrovert and altogether more sure of myself. For me it was a social crutch, one I leaned on heavily at social occasions to stop that feeling that I didn't belong creeping in. 

It is probably fortunate that my social life is not exactly hopping because I am still working out the delicate balance that is inserting social Laura comfortably into social situations. Sometimes I will have extra coffee or an energy drink but that's more to stop me noticeably yawning beyond a certain point in the night, I am told its a bit of a buzz killer. I have been to a handful of parties, a good few gigs and even a wedding and survived them all. It hasn't stopped me from lingering on the edge of a group wondering what to say or somehow transformed me into one of those people who announces that I don't need drink because I'm great craic without it. I'm not really but I'm okay with that. 

I will say I miss feeling relaxed among those I don't know well and the loss of self consciousness when out but in the other column I have a much longer list of things I don't miss without drink. I no longer wake with that 'Oh God, what have I said/done feeling, It's been so long since I had a hangover that I almost find it difficult to empathise with those around me who are woefully hungover and let's not forget the fear because I sure as hell don't miss that.

Now I don't know if its a permanent thing, only time will tell on that score but I am not intending to make a big thing out of it either way. Perhaps if I make it all the way to New Years Eve again without feeling the lure of it, I might decide it suits me. For now I can usually get away with by muttering something about a long shift coming up and because of the nature of my job, I will find people nodding sympathetically and this saves me from having to pretend I'm on anti-biotics which somehow goes down better than just not wanting to drink.