Have yourself a Merry little Christmas ( or don't)


This New Years Eve marks the three year anniversary of the last time I had a drink. This sounds like a really big deal but it isn't unless you're Irish. I would like to clarify at this point in the blog post that I didn't have an alcohol problem but alcohol had a problem with me. I got tired of the hangovers and the way they only served to exacerbate my anxiety and depression and that feeling that I might actually be dying but it would always turn out to be a severe hangover. Not to mention the regret that followed flashbacks of me doing or saying something that seemed hilarious at the time. To be fair by the time I stopped I was maybe having a few drinks once or twice a month. 

 Drinking has become so ingrained in Irish culture that many people become uncomfortable when they encounter someone socially who isn't drinking as though this automatically shines a spotlight on their own consumption. I have found the trick for me is to not socialise in bars too frequently and when I do I make my soberness sound far more temporary than it is. I don't drink is a 
Conversation killer. However I'm not drinking tonight because of ; my early start, I'm driving, on an antibiotic, pregnant. I tend not to use the last one as it would come with my many follow up questions and you know , I'm not.

As I have mentioned in earlier blog posts. I was 14 when I first discovered alcohol. This was actually late for my group of friends and this will tell you about exactly how much there was for teenagers to do in my hometown. For me at this point Alcohol was a revelation. I was cripplingly shy and I found confidence and vodka tasted a lot alike. I had 4 blissful years before I encountered my first hangover. By the time I realised alcohol might not like me as much as I liked it, I could not imagine socialising without it. And so I spent a lot of my twenties suffering in a bad way after every good night out.

I remember profuse vomiting, unable to keep even water down and the empty retching that followed which used to cause blood vessels to burst on my face and leave me with an angry purple rash that lasted far longer than the hangover itself. While the alcohol did indeed make me braver and at times more confident, it also was the common denominator in every terrible decision I have ever made. Yes I did have fun and have many great memories mixed in with the flashes that make me shiver years on.

Drunk Laura could be great fun and I won't claim sober Laura is a one woman party. She's a bit more judgey and definitely more reserved. That's not to say there haven't been nights where I've had just as much fun while knocking back nothing stronger than sparkling water. I just have to work that bit harder to let myself go.

After three years I think i can safely say I'm not a drinker and my liver thanks me for it even if it means my life is a little quieter these days

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