It's good to talk

I have recently started attending counselling and I don't feel any shame in admitting this. Although people can be weird about that sort of thing. I recently told someone I didn't know particularly well and they recoiled as though I had divulged I was on my way to an STI clinic. Truthfully this is not my first time to attend counselling and it quite possibly wont be my last and that's okay.

 I think as someone who admits I need this support, I am doing a lot better than another person who is burying feelings that could be aired out in a safe setting.
I have had a number of life experiences in my thirty six years and not all of them have left the sweetest aftertaste. Most of these things are far too personal for me to comfortably talk about in my blog.

 This is partially down to a fear of confessing too much, also I don't actually know who reads this and then there is always the fear of judgement on me as a person and the life choices I did or did not make that allowed my life to turn out as it did.

 Fortunately, while I do find the upkeep of my blog has a cathartic effect, it is not my sole form of emotional release. I have a safe space in which I can share my worst feelings and ease the burden of carrying these thoughts around in my delicate lady brain.

  I was brought to counselling this time around when I was forced to acknowledge that I hadn't really dealt with any feelings from something that happened to me some time ago. Who likes to talk about difficult things, certainly not me and before I really sat down to evaluate my diet and lifestyle in the last few years, I was an expert at burying anything I didn't want to think about with food. The trouble is that when you do that, the feelings never really go anywhere. You just bury them deep down and at some point they bubble to the surface.

 Even now when I am feeling a bit emotional despite not eating chocolate for a few months now (nobo buttons dont count because they use coconut sugar), I get a sad feeling and I have this pang for chocolate. I know that I am more or less free of sugars physical grasp on me (because I have detoxed and it sucked) so this is a purely emotional response.

 Ultimately I feel like my decision to go talk to someone was the right one. I know in the end it will make me feel better in myself but the trouble is that when you first go to talk to someone about something that upsets you and this somehow leads to other things that have made you feel the same way, there are tears and not just in the session but all these feelings follow you around for a day or two after and you have decide where to put them (and try your best to not eat them in the form of whatever your vice is)

 Right now for me it's early days. I'm still somewhere in the tunnel but I do see a glimmer of light and sometimes I might dread the fact that I will have an emotional hangover post counselling but all the same its good to talk 

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