A life unplanned

I have had this funny sort of feeling since I moved to Kilkenny and started my new life of singledom that I am sorting of coasting. Only planning on a temporary basis and not making any major footholds in my life. I was recently talking to my sister about how I was feeling somewhat as though I am not really tethered to anything in life. She is much wiser than me and pointed out that I have made major strides in career and Crossfit training in the last year as well as becoming more comfortable in my own company. 

While these points are valid, the feeling still persists. I have no real five year plan. I fall upon a free weekend and usually end up doing what I feel like on the day weather depending but no real plans are in place and everything feels a little bit unstructured. So It's not like my life is a raging disaster but I do have this lingering feeling that I could be doing something more.

This is when my sister suggested I put together a list of things that I feel I need or want or would like to achieve and when my finances allow start to chip away at this bit by bit until a plan is formed and I start feeling something like a grasp on a semi formed life is within reach.

I am aware that this in is essence is a first world problem and I don't intend to mask my vague sense of existential angst as anything but. At the same time, Laura the perpetual planner needs to have a plan of sorts as I am not really comfortable in wing it mode.

The first two things on my list have proved to be ever so achievable and I feel like I am actually getting somewhere by taking a small portion of my hard earned cash and putting it to proper use. Now I know when I reveal where this money has actually gone then most people will think, right, so you just bought runners but I swear it's a bit more complicated than that.

My first purchase was a pair of Reebox nanos and yes admittedly these are runners but they are not just a shoe. They are designed specifically for doing Crossfit workouts and not only do I feel some sense of purpose from doing the thing I said I would do, like check me out getting my life together through the medium of online shopping, but I can see my training improving as a direct impact of these shoes and it feels in some small way, the life I had hoped for is not entirely out of my reach.

Now it came to two weeks later, pay day rolls round and I have to make a decision. Something that has been outstanding on my list for an embarrassing amount of time is my passport. It expired in March and I have done anything but renew. Well I did get a form but I never actually got around to filling it in and so it sat gathering dust on my to do list. Another thing that I have been waiting to have money for is to buy my first pair of weightlifting shoes. They have a slight wedge in them so they really help with positioning and I had deemed them too expensive and put them off indefinitely.

But with this new plan in mind, I decided that cash allowing, a portion of this wage would be spent on one or the other. Now I will admit it should have been the passport. It was the more pressing of the two issues but Ultimately getting new lifters seemed altogether more gratifying so I went onto Amazon shoe hunting and bought what I felt was a decent pair quickly before I could pause and contemplate the expense.

So yes my to do list so far has only been shoes but given how much time I have been spending in the gym they have been the most fruitful of purchases and who knows if I ever get around my mobility/coordination issues, I might even be a badass Crossfitter one of these days.

I swear the passport looms large on things I will do really soon to be followed by booking myself even a short break in another country and my future will start to emerge somewhere in this loose list of items to be bought or organised and once I feel like I am back on track to somewhere maybe this unsettled feeling will pass.