Fifty Shades of time wasted

Anyone who knows me will know that I didn't rate the Fifty Shades Of Grey book very highly. If you have read it yourself then you shouldn't be too surprised at this. I love to read for the simple pleasure of reading, the power of a book to transport you somewhere else entirely and Fifty shades just sort of offended me when they tried it pass it off a valid piece of literature. It was originally written as Twilight fan fiction which tells you everything you need to know because aside from being a vampire, Edward Cullen, had creepy stalker boyfriend bit down to a tee and it seems Mr Grey has taken up nicely where he left minus the whole Vampire element and adding in a whole lot of smut for good measure.
If you have been living in a cave the last few years then I guess it's possible that you might not be aware of the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. Just in case you have now emerged from said cave and now found yourself confused on my blog, I'll enlighten you. The story centres around a ridiculously named innocent young woman who meets a powerful business man and is seduced by him.He is all kinds of messed up and wants a purely sexual relationship where he also controls many elements of her life such as; what she eats, drinks or wears and who she spends time with. He is also prone to turning up randomly and uninvited to check up on her and makes ludicrous purchases like a car and a laptop. Not to forget the most important part of the story. He has some weird sexual preferences and has a whole room dedicated to his s&m like pursuits. The whole thing seems to have spurned a 'Mummy Porn' revolution. Yes that is what they have termed the genre. I think it is best summed up when it was pointed out that his behaviour is deemed sexy because he is a powerful, attractive and successful business man but if he lived in trailer park the plot would be more like an episode of criminal minds. I don't think much more needs to be said on the subject. Either you agree with me or you don't, in which case you have probably stopped reading this blog post already.

Even for people who are only peripherally aware what the Fifty Shades fiasco is, were aware due the epic marketing campaign that the book had been commissioned into a movie and was released just before valentines day. The female lead was played by a virtual unknown, Mr Grey was played by Jamie Dornan best known for dating Keira Knightly before she was famous and being a bit ridey and of course Irish. It is probably for the best that the main cast did not have illustrious careers before making the movies as they are unlikely to have them after. Like most people I was curious as to how the movie would turn out. If they were to keep it close to the book then it would be probably too raunchy for most cinemas but then if they cut back on the sexy bits its not much of a story. Unlike most of the general public I was unwilling to go to the cinema to satisfy my curiosity. I felt it was not a cause I particularly wanted to contribute money to so instead I patiently waited for a decent copy to appear online and then waited for a day I could face sitting through it. Yesterday was the day. I was home from college and still recuperating from night shifts all weekend but also preparing for my next one (last night) so I was lying under a blanket on my couch with nothing to watch. Within a few moments it became clear that I had made the wrong choice but I persevered, determined to see it through.  I had felt that it wasn't possible for the film to be any worse than the book and it did seem to drop some of the more irritating elements such as without the inner monologue of Anastacia Steele (yes that was really what they named her) I wasn't forced to listen to her constantly referring to her inner goddess. I did, however, have to watch her over play the shit out of the whole pure and innocent young woman angle, biting her lip so often that I began to become concerned for her. Jamie Dornan probably couldn't act his way out of paper bag but was suitably attractive, I was disappointed by how flat his hair looked and how unconvincing he was as this powerful business man but then again no self respecting actor would have accepted the role. The sex scenes were only a little bit sexy in that it would have been uncomfortable to watch with my mum but I wasn't exactly feeling excited by them. I just kept thinking how weirdly uncomfortable it must have been to film a lot of it. The only thing they really seemed to have accurately portrayed was how weirdly controlling the character of Mr Grey is. I don't know who these women are that think he is this desirable man, they clearly have not dated someone overly controlling at any point. For me, many aspects of his behavior rang major alarm bells and I am sure that any woman who has dated a man who tries to control even the minor element of their lives, must have thought the same thing upon seeing it rather than fanning themselves as though they might swoon. I came away from the whole experience annoyed that I could have spent those two hours napping. It would have served me much better when it came time to start the night shift. I did get a good laugh out of some bits of the film although I am not sure I was supposed to. I won't however feel the need to repeat the experience when the next one comes out.