Anxiety and the other me

Sometimes late at night a thought creeps into my head and it won't go out and then the possibility of sleep evaporates.
Last night was one such night.  Now I will admit as someone who suffers from anxiety that I am more than capable of making a mountain out of a molehill but in this case I had a genuine worry on a loop in my brain.

It went a7 little something like this. After working a very busy day on not enough sleep  (thanks to stomach pain caused by somme very delicious spelt rolls consumed the day before). I arrived home the sort of exhausted that leaves me feeling very sad.
I arrived home to an empty apartment with no idea where the other half was but I was el was shattered  and I fell into bed with my book. I thought I had reached a point where I would surely succumb to sleep and I switched off the light, settled into bed and bing ! The anxiety circus began.

Each anxious thought spurned another andbI tried to quiet my mind, to close the tabtabs but my anxiety was running fast and strong. Every time I thought I might slerp I'd realise I needed to pee. Not exactly an emergency situation but enough to stop me tipping over the edge into sleep.
Everytime I went to the loo I'd do a customary check of all the rooms and find them empty which would do nothing to still my beating heart. Refusing to sacrifice myself to insomnia I opened my guided meditation app which is a surefire method for getting me to sleep. However on this occaasion I became very aware that the session was almost over and I was very mych awake and fluttering anxiously. It taoes considerable skill during guided meditation to suddenly focus all your energy on the worry that you will not be sufficiently relaxed enough to sleep before the countdown ends and then ruin the overall effect.  Next I tried counting backwards from 300 but kept pausing mid cpunt to worry and then a rain sounds app but it just made me want to pee.
I had finally given up and started reading on my phone when I heard a key in the door and thought aha the missing boyfriend has returned and now I can sleep but alas no.

Like many a man upon return from a night out , he was not skilled in the art of not making all the noise so I lay in bed awake and thinking angry thoughts. Naturally this progressed to elaborate arguments between the two of us, all within my head. Weirdly nothing gets resolved in these head fights and I just add some anger to my anxiety cocktail.

I try another relaxation app but no luck and I am awake enough to hear himself sleep in the guest room. By this stage its getting brighter outside my window and now I have time to be anxious about how little sleep I am getting. I decide to get up and put on a wash, I play games on my phone and read and finally come 7 am I sleep. I wake each hour briefly between then and 10 when I abandon sleep and get up to reclaim the day.

Throwing some clothes in a bag I jump in my car and head to wexford because even if I can't escape my own head, I can escape the apartment and hopefully the short break will get me back to my normal, slightly less anxious self.