Looking after me

They say you can't pour from an empty cup which is why it's important to take care of yourself. Especially for those of us in caring professions. You can end up giving a lot to your job but if you don't take care of yourself then you will have nothing left to give.

Now as someone who cares for others and tends to take far too much of my job home with me I try to particularly mindful of this. Especially as I find the nights (which are thankfully almost over) take even more out of me than caring does. Nights are quite lonely in that you work alone while everyone is asleep and then come home to sleep while the rest of the world is up and about, often feeling to drained to get outside or even manage to string a coherent text message together. This is particularly tough when you live alone like I do now although I didn't get too much minding when I lived with my ex, he somehow expected me to put on my minding hat when I was stuck to the couch whimpering because I was hungry and couldn't remember how to get food (nights have never brought out the best in me). This has felt like a particularly emotionally vulnerable time for me. My guard has been down and it hasn't taken much to spike my anxiety levels. So I have been doing my best to be mindful of this and keep an awareness that this is not me, this is sleep deprivation.

Sometimes taking care of myself is as simple as putting no demands on myself. Understanding that I will be a hot mess after a night shift and allowing myself to wallow in a duvet fort having watching episodes of Grimm until getting myself out of bed doesn't feel impossible. It's also not allowing myself to climb into the pit of bad food because it always (without fail) makes me feel so much worse. 
And then on the days between my night shifts (and my normal days off when I am not an exhausted husk of a woman) I drag myself out of bed to the gym because even though its a struggle, I feel so much better after another workout is done. I make myself go for a walk, somewhere nice if possible because all the fresh air clears my head. I allow myself a really good coffee because I swear there is happiness in a good cup and I huddle up somewhere to read some more of a book because everyone needs an escape sometimes.

I know on some level that I need to look after me and mind myself because if I don't then no one else is going to do it for me. This will have me pursuing my own happiness instead of waiting for someone else to bring it to me. This is not to say that I am closed to the possibility of letting someone else into my life but just that I need to be the someone that makes me happy. 



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