Night shift blues

In case you didn't guess by the blog title, I'm on night duty for the first time since January. This is not my first time doing nights so i knew what to expect and it's fair to say I have been feeling less than enthused about the prospect. I have done enough night shifts in various different settings to know that categorically nights do not suit me. I have always been a bit of a cranky pants without sufficient sleep, anyone who knows me can attest to this. Then the other issue is my body refuses to compensate and allow me the type of catch up sleep I need the next day. I'm pretty sure if i was to land a job of just night shifts id be dead or a hermit within the year. 

 Anyway I started night duty on Monday night. It is fair to say I was ill equipped for the occasion. I had been up early, unable to grab a much needed nap that afternoon. My mind knew i could do with extra sleep but my body refused to cooperate. I also went to work on one coffee because I was hoping less caffeine would mean more sleep the following day. Then with the world's worst timing my recent ex picks the day I am starting nights as the day to get back in touch with me. A brief emotional email exchange followed, no acrimonious words were said but I found myself in work with a head full of thoughts and emotions that I had been willingly burying for the last two months. But it was cool, it's not like i had to stay awake by myself all night long. Oh no wait, I did and it did not make for a fun first night shift. There were points where I thought I might potentially die from tiredness. I didn't by the way, I am not writing this from beyond the grave. Rumour is they don't have wifi in hell. 

 I arrived home at 9.30 the following morning, overtired and only delighted to be reunited with my bed. A mere 45 mins later I managed to find some sleep. Three hours after that I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep but my mind was racing so eventually I dragged myself from the bed and hoped I would get more sleep later in the day. I didn't although God knows I tried everything to make the magic happen. Instead I spent the rest of the day slumped on my couch feeling very sorry for myself. I didn't step outside my door until it was time for work and i also didn't have a conversation until I arrived at work that night. 

 I powered through the night shift by keeping busy almost afraid to sit down lest the tiredness and sadness overwhelm me. I survived it and headed home Wednesday morning safe in the knowledge that I would get to sleep in my own bed the next two nights. 
Yesterday I didn't speak to anyone or step outside my door. I stayed in bed until 6pm chasing sleep and managed to grab a whole 6 hours which felt like winning the lotto after the day before. I did manage to drag myself out of bed eventually for food , a shower and a few hours of half watching tv. It was then I was struck by the isolation of nights because much as I desperately wanted to talk to someone, I was too tired to string a coherent sentence together.

 Last night I got to sleep in my own bed and it felt amazing. I slept for a whole 10 hours and woke a new woman. Today i left the house and trained  ( deadlifted 70kg 5 reps x 5 , If you don't mind) and met other people and i realised the fog that settled over me was just night shift blues and there is light at the end of the tunnel plus coffee, training and sleep.

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