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Sometimes late at night a thought creeps into my head and it won't go out and then the possibility of sleep evaporates. Last night was one such night.  Now I will admit as someone who suffers from anxiety that I am more than capable of making a mountain out of a molehill but in this case I had a genuine worry on a loop in my brain. It went a7 little something like this. After working a very busy day on not enough sleep  (thanks to stomach pain caused by somme very delicious spelt rolls consumed the day before). I arrived home the sort of exhausted that leaves me feeling very sad. I arrived home to an empty apartment with no idea where the other half was but I was el was shattered  and I fell into bed with my book. I thought I had reached a point where I would surely succumb to sleep and I switched off the light, settled into bed and bing ! The anxiety circus began. Each anxious thought spurned another andbI tried to quiet my mind, to close the tabtabs but my anxi...

It would not be unusual for me to say I have fallen off the wagon. Indeed I am no stranger to it. Usually I dust myself off and kickstart my healthier life wherever I left off. At this point in time I would say falling off the wagon does not do justice to my current state of being. Not only have I fallen off the wagon but I have chopped up the wagon and used the kindling to make a fire. It's not a pretty thing.  I'd love to give you a saga of how I got myself in this predicament and have it be something both terribly dramatic and not my fault but alas it is both very boring and there is no one else to blame except me for my michelin man like figure. It goes a little like this, I was tired one day and skipped the gym and once I'd skipped one day, missing another was only too easy and that was about two months ago. Then to compact that I was feeling a bit stressed and a lot sad so I ate every feeling I had which may not be the healthiest response on an emotional le...

It's hard sometimes to be an introvert in this very extroverted world. People expect something more than introversion in social settings and it takes its tole. When I am getting ready for a night out I need a few hours to build myself up. Some quiet time at home or else the whole idea becomes a bit overwhelming. I am aware I am not the only one who feels this way but sometimes I can't help feeling we introverts are in the minority. I sometimes find depending on how my few days in work have gone that I might be totally unable to do anything vaguely sociable on at least one of my days off. This magnified by my propensity to take on the emotional baggage of those around me like some kind of pointless sponge and it leaves me carrying the stress and anxieties of those I have been in contact with long after I go home. As if that wasn't enough to drain me then couple with my stress eating sugar binge of late that never seems to end even though it often feels like I am o...

After pretty much abandoning my blog, I felt the time had come to return. I don't quite feel myself when I am not blurting out my thoughts online and clutching a book I am half way through. I have been working as a health care assistant for over two years nw. It's tough and tiring work but I love it. You couldn't drag back to any of the jobs I had before pursuing healthcare if you tried. Ultimately though my goal has always been to get myself a job in social care because that's what I went to college for.  When I changed jobs to work in residential facility for adults with disabilities, that was always my end goal. I was only delighted to get a place on the social care panel in March just gone but maybe a little less delighted when four months passed and I was still just a name on the list. I had hoped to  stay in the house I work now. There is comfort in what you know after all. Plus I work with a fantastic team and we support a really lovely group of individual...

I seem to be one of those people who is either super dedicated to getting fit or becoming a full on couch potato. I wish I could commit more firmly to the first but somehow I seem to have doomed myself to continually rejoining the gym after a sabbatical of sorts and then suffering the consequences. The trouble with muscles is when they don't get enough use they forget their function and returning to exercise after a few weeks, months of years of not weight training can be a bit of a shock to the system. I am sure anyone who has returned to the gym after a break can identify with the feeling of having legs so tender you walk like John Wayne, have to descend stairs sideways and wish there were handrails beside your loo to assist you back up again. Then there's the overly sore arms that you can't raise above your head (good luck washing your hair ) and struggle to change gears when driving or the abs in crisis when you can't sneeze or go from lying to sitting wi...

You know you're not really a night person when you find yourself preparing for a night shift as though you're going into battle. In a way I am because I usually get restless legs and an inability to focus around 11pm and I have to give up the good fight and put myself to bed. Except of course when working a night shift as that sort of practice is frowned upon in work. I agreed two nights for a colleague as a favour. Those nights being tonight and tomorrow night and she in turn will cover two of my days but this unfortunately meant I only had today as a break from working all weekend before launching in to them. I haven't worked a night since the month I did over Christmas and I think I have just about recovered from that. I have spent most of the day mentally readying myself. I tried to have a lie in but my body clock was having none of it. I bought extra food so my poor sleep deprived brain wouldn't have to face the outdoors tomorrow day time. I have downloaded g...

Winter bodies are hairy, soft beings whereas summer bodies are taut and tanned and scantily clad. At least that's the theory. As someone who yoyo's between getting fit and eating my body weight in sugar, I am often striving for one but falling more into the other category. Here's the thing I have been meaning to sort out my diet, my lifestyle, my excess flab but I just haven't really gotten around to it. I start to work out, clean up my diet and then boom I meet one tiny hurdle and I am back to my old bad habits. I did manage to call a halt to my gluttony earlier this week and kissed my latest sugar binge goodbye without any regrets and then I made my way back to the gym and while it was hard, it wasn't horrible. It's only as the sun emerged I have realised that I forgot to get my summer body. Clearly I was having a nap on the couch when everyone was getting theirs. Yes I am eating better and I have exercised recently but unfortunately the climb of out of ch...