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Could we agree for arguments sake that January has been a free trial month for 2018 and that the new year will really begin in February.  By all accounts for me, January has not been a joyful month. I did not meet it full of hope and promise but more with a quiet dread for the many car related bills I was facing into and through a veil of sugar. Even though sugar has never done me any favours, i seem to be destined to fall off the wagon time and time again and im never the better for it. As well ad this i had a few random night shifts thrown in among my days and my gym attendance had been less than spectacular. I haven't been looking good and I've been feeling even worse and just at the point where I became determined to finally tackle it, I found myself facing into my next fortnight of nights. Anyone who has met me while on night duty knows they turn me into a hot mess. There's really no point in attempting to make major lifestyle changes while on nights because the...

I think we can all agree that as months go, January kind of sucks for pretty much everyone. It's cold and dark and everyone is poor from Christmas. December is often a month of fun and spending and overindulgence where as January is realising how much you have over indulged and facing up to bills and the prospect of resolutions you will probably never keep. I don't drink anymore so its fair to say every January is a dry January for me now. I don't have that to add to my misery and my junk food run only lasted 10 glorious days before I came to my senses and began my good old sugar detox but I haven't trained in three weeks and I have lost my motivation for pretty much everything so it's fair to say I am feeling the pinch of more than just my jeans. I am not a big fan of January and I know I am not alone here but I am not looking for solidarity. Somehow in some mix of poor timing I find myself paying for every car related thing this month. I have just put m...

Last night I was back in bed, a mere few hours after I'd woken up because I had worked a night shift Tuesday night which I was still buckled from and I had to be up at silly O'clock this morning for work. I was really tired but I had spent most of my day sleeping or trying to sleep so I was struggling a little. As I lay in bed despairing of how tired I was I had a sudden thought about how on my next birthday I would turn 36 and then just continuously get older. My hair needs to be dyed more often now (for grey coverage), I am starting to see traces of visible lines on my face and even though I am most definitely in the age bracket for anti aging creams, I have never ever bought one. I am single and childless (admittedly by choice) but I had chosen this moment to panic about the possibility that I might want and not have children in the future (you'd think at my age I would know if this was something I should be panicking about but nope). I am finding it is taking less ti...

Nothing like the year coming to an end to put me in reflection mode. It's become a blogging tradition for me to use this time in December to look back on the year that was and realise how much has changed, some good and some bad, in a mere 12 months. Obviously one of the biggest changes is my relationship of almost four years came to an end. It was a while coming but still quite sad. We left things on good enough terms and the relationship ending was not followed by me being harassed and ending up in hospital from a stress related illness so all being said, it went better than my last break up. I know that's not saying a lot. This was also the catalyst for my other big change for me. After years of making empty threats to leave Waterford city, I finally moved to Kilkenny. I'm living outside the city because that's where I found a house but I have my very own place. There is a slight danger I might become too much of a hermit because I'm really starting to enj...

This New Years Eve marks the three year anniversary of the last time I had a drink. This sounds like a really big deal but it isn't unless you're Irish. I would like to clarify at this point in the blog post that I didn't have an alcohol problem but alcohol had a problem with me. I got tired of the hangovers and the way they only served to exacerbate my anxiety and depression and that feeling that I might actually be dying but it would always turn out to be a severe hangover. Not to mention the regret that followed flashbacks of me doing or saying something that seemed hilarious at the time. To be fair by the time I stopped I was maybe having a few drinks once or twice a month.  Drinking has become so ingrained in Irish culture that many people become uncomfortable when they encounter someone socially who isn't drinking as though this automatically shines a spotlight on their own consumption. I have found the trick for me is to not socialise in bars too frequently ...

It's Christmas eve and I will admit I'm feeling a bit of pre Christmas excitement. I've always anticipated Christmas with a child-like glee so I was pretty gutted last year when I found myself on nights for Christmas weekend and missed the big day entirely. I have had a lot of different jobs in the 17 years since I have left school ( just give me a quick moment while I freak out about how old that makes me feel) and this has meant a lot of different working arrangements around Christmas. It's funny how my attitude towards the holidays has changed over the years. I remember when I worked in AOL being unsure one year if I would get 4 or 5 days off together and being very upset because clearly Christmas was ruined. I laugh about it now having since worked many retail jobs where you work right up to Christmas Eve and then find yourself back at work on the 27th. Obviously I'm now in social care which is a totally different ball game and the people we support dont s...

A lot of people have a relationship they look back on fondly, the one who got away and so on. Well if think this is what this blog is about then prepare yourself with disappointment because I don't have one of those. My most recent break up is more likely to fill me with sadness than trauma when I look back on it but that's not the one that's been haunting me.  Very recently an ex of mine got in contact. Not someone I had thought about in a very long time and to be honest someone I didn't particularly wish to think about. If anything it made me feel quite old because we split about 13 years ago and nothing about the relationship gave me warm fuzzy feelings. He wasn't looking to see me again so it was reassuring to know he hasn't completely lost his head but he had just been through a difficult break up with a woman who hasn't treated him very well and this has made him reflect on how he behaved in previous relationships. I think he felt his uppance ha...