The Crossfit experience

So here I was driving home from Clonmel last night and I had been thinking a lot over the last while about my difficulty in expressing my own Crossfit experience. I am pretty sure it's different than what newer people feel because you don't expect yourself to be at competition level when you're just starting out and I also feel its different than what my more competent fellow gym goers experience because if you're continually getting stronger and mastering new skills then you are bound to feel more accomplished. My issue is that I am not down often enough and I don't work out at home although I do promise myself continually I will. 

So this is means I am nowhere near as good as you might expect from someone who's been doing this three years. Anyway inspiration struck on the drive home so I pulled in to write this down. This is my Crossfit experience. I hope other people out there identify with it. 

Laura VS Crossfit

I'm the one at edge of each class
Panting, feeling the effects far too soon.
Promising myself next week I'll do more
And trying to not look guiltily at the kettlebell at home,
 It Works equally well as a door stop.

I am the one who promises myself
I'll look after myself better.
Giving up so many bad things, sugar,
Wheat, alcohol.
All of the toxins that damage my body
Only to fall off the wagon again,
So many times now that my knees are bruised and my stomach is puffy.

I am the one who can't walk right the next day,
Afraid to cough lest my stomach contracts,
Digging myself in my tender muscles.
I swear to eat more protein and
Stretch more,
Crossing my fingers behind my back
As I do.

I am that wishes I could be faster, stronger but not pushing myself
Enough to ever get there,
My inner sloth will trump my inner
Athlete every time

But still every time I fall,
I pick myself up again,
To stumble through another class,
 Coming to the brink but never quitting.
A reluctant Crossfitter but a Crossfitter all the same