It feels like this until it doesn't

It feels like this until it doesn't

There is no reasoning with the whirring of the mind
like a clock ticking in the dark
reminding you should be asleep
but you are not .
yet another thing you can't get right.

No comparison that soothes my woes
I read the news and know of many in worse circumstances
but I am too consumed with my own to see beyond them.
the shadow of the black dog still looms in empty spaces
where my happiness falls.

It's okay not to feel okay
or so I've read on the internet
so it must be true.
There are times where I could not feel less okay
and there lies the fear of something inside you being broken.

Sometimes in the dark of the night,
I doubt my own existence.
I worry my anxious thoughts have tinged my skin.

It feels like this until it doesn't.
and then I keep my anxiety in my purse
for special occasions and sleepless nights.