Alone does not mean lonely


I am all for celebrating the fact that I am an introvert , I don't think there should be any shame in admitting this. Introverts unite ! separately, in our own homes and all that. The thing I feel confuses people is that because I work very hard at being sociable in certain situations (like work), I don't fit into their idea of what an introvert is. I shouldn't be chatty or sarcastic or friendly and so on. What people don't happen to realise is I find this all be exhausting. It takes a lot out of me to be putting myself out there and engaging with people. Plus I find interacting with others to be complicated emotionally. I often find, even with those close to me, that what they say and what they mean can be very different things and I can come away with a whole bag full of churning emotions because sometimes I have my own crap to deal with and selfish as it may sound I just don't have the emotional energy to dig deeper and get to the real issues behind the meaningless chit chat.

I have a limit on my sociability, much like my bank account sometimes I find myself over drawn and then I desperately need to spend some time in my own head or else I start to fall apart a little bit. Today I found myself leaving a coffee date so I could rush home to do nothing which is not a concept everyone understands. For me though, time alone is a necessity and not a luxury. I love nothing more than a stretch of the day in which I can read, blog, watch bad tv or nap. If I manage to combine all of these things then let's just say I have had a good day. If I have several days off work but not managed to squeeze in enough me time then I will return drained and in bad form.

I have recently gotten my lazy ass back into the gym which has been a struggle but I had to acknowledge one of the factors that held me back was that whenever I go to Clonmel for a class I end up meeting people for coffee which involves a certain amount of hanging around inbetween and there seems to be some sort of vacuum there that time falls into because regardless of what time I plan to leave, I inevitably end up arriving home around five if not later. As well as that there is nowhere in Clonmel I can actually eat lunch so I don't really eat. So my day off ends up not exactly being relaxing and then I arrive home where my other half is looking for us to hang out and apparently watching me relax while he doesn't talk is not what he has in mind. So some days I will run away home post workout and reclaim the rest of the day for myself. Its essential for my own sanity.

There's nothing wrong with occasionally rejoicing at the silence of an empty apartment, or getting that happy buzz when an afternoon stretches out in front of you with only a book and a blanket for company. After all being alone does not mean being lonely.

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