The anti socialite coping guide

I find I am getting increasingly more introverted. I don't mean as I get older because I know that's a given. Our personalities age like fine wines, Cantankerous old woman were not all sweetness and light as young girls, age just sharpens these traits. What I am talking about though is how over the last few months I am withdrawing socially to a noticeable extent. In the last few weeks I have found a number of pages dedicated to all things introvert on Facebook and in a way it's been a bit of an eye opener. A lot of the things I have always felt weird for feeling are not in fact unique to me. In some ways this has helped me to accept who I am as a person. On some level though I feel learning more about what it means to be an introvert has not exactly been beneficial to me. It's a bit like when you're feeling ill and you type your symptoms into google and it turns out that headache you had is actually something far more serious and by the time you have read all of the symptoms you are convinced you have all of those too. Boom you have weeks left to live or you know just a random pain in your head that will go in its own time. When I read about the traits of introverts, particularly those I share then this very process seems to accentuate them and it's as though I have become more introverted just through understanding it better.

My social anxiety is also blossoming. I am finding over the last while that outside of work it is becoming more difficult for me to engage with strangers or people I don't know well. I am even choosing to interact less with people I know very well indeed and instead pocketing time for myself to hang out in my apartment entertaining myself. I am sure both of these things are related and I am not quite sure how to make changes for the better. The more time I spend alone or just with my boyfriend nearby (but working so just a physical presence in the apartment) the more I feel the company of others is overrated. 

Tonight I was at a film screening my boyfriend had organised. A great night by all accounts and I enjoyed sitting in the dark watching the films but there was a certain amount of socialising before and afterwards that I felt totally unequipped to deal with. I mostly managed by trying to blend in with the wall and not making eye contact in the hopes that no one spoke me. In the end I sloped off home, leaving himself to bask in his success because the thought of talking to so many strangers and acquaintances was more than I could cope with. Now I am only hope you did not click on this blog in the hopes of eliciting actual advice from me because if nothing else is clear, know this. I have no idea what I'm doing.