Brain on fire

 I wanted to take a minute to talk about overstimulation, something familiar to anyone who is neurospicy/ neurodivergent. Initially I had wanted to write this post after work last night but working all weekend had left me too exhausted and over stimulated to write a coherent post and the irony of being too overstimulated to talk about over stimulation is not lost on me.

Like many other aspects of being autistic this is something that I experienced before I knew I was autistic. I Just didn't have the vocabulary or context to make sense of it. I think the best metaphor I can come up with to explain the difference between how you experience your autistic traits before and after you realise it is in fact autism is this. I had a blocked ear for about a year. I had an infection in that ear and after it cleared I had wax build up. It was mildly uncomfortable and I could still hear but sound was muffled from that ear and then I finally got around to getting my ears syringed and when my ear finally unblocked it was so damn loud. That is pretty much my experience since realising I am autistic. These are the same experiences from before but I am much more aware of them and experience them so much more intensely.

I have always had a hyper sensitive nervous system and there's so much sensory stuff going on there. A tag on my clothes or a tiny stone in my shoe can drive me absolutely crazy and yet a really soft tshirt or some bamboo cotton socks can visibly improve my day. I once knew the electricity had returned in my house because I could hear the fridge buzzing and a fly in the same room as me can drive me crazy and yet If I am out in nature I am so tuned into all the different sounds in a good way. I legit can't eat spicy food because even mildly spicy is far too intense for me but other flavours can taste intense in a good way. You get the general idea.

Its easy to see how such sensory sensitivities can make being out in the world sort of exhausting. There is so much going on and my brain only has the capacity for so much sensory input before it all goes a bit mushy.  

So far the list of things that can lead to sensory overload/ overstimulation are as follows ; socialising, being out in public especially crowded spaces, too much screen time, too much interacting with others even via text, work ( good days at work, bad days at work, stressful days, busy days that aren't that stressful they all make the list) 

Sometimes I will already know that I am heading to the overstimulation station and other times I will take a moment to sit during my day and boom my brain feels like there's a whole lot of white noise going on.

I have been known to describe the experience in the following ways; my brain is on fire, everything feels like too much, It's like I have too many tabs open, I am overtired and my brain wont shut down.

Once I have reached the point of over stimulation the main thing is not to panic, there is no quick fix to return to neutral settings. I make peace with the fact that I am not going to have the most amazing sleep and will factor in some extra rest to the following day if possible and then once home I break out all the big guns so that's weighted blanket plus laying my weighted sloth across my chest, switch off my lights, throw on my projector light and comfort watch some criminal minds until the world is a less overwhelming place.

My hope is as time goes on that I will learn to navigate this world a little better. I have only just discovered I am autistic and I am working really hard to build myself a tool kit. I know the world is always going to be overstimulating but with a little practice I hope to learn how to turn the volume down