a week underwater

 

I have spent the last week feeling as though I am underwate

r. My brain is not working as it should, everything feels slower and sluggish. There is a disconnect between me and the world and its almost as if I am watching life rather than experiencing it. 

I have been chalking this up as my body's response to sensory overload and assumed I had entered into some form of shutdown to cope with the too much of everything like a computer going into standby mode.

I seem to be going through a phase right now of being super honest with people rather than going through the complicated mental gymnastics that seem to be involved in neurotypical conversation. I am sure this is probably not appreciated by everyone I talk to but honestly I have bigger things to worry about right now. This however led to a very frank conversation with someone yesterday about what I was experiencing on a cognitive level as well as physically. It was rather difficult to clearly articulate my experience because lately my brain is not playing ball but I think I succeeded in getting the jist of it across.

Luckily the person I had chosen to word vomit all over just so happened to someone who knows a considerable amount about nutrition and we got into a discussion about as well as the whole coping with being autistic piece that I am currently going through that it is possible that my diet is lacking. Side note if you are wondering why I have managed 41 years of being autistic and more or less kept it together but am struggling to cope since I labelled it, well that's because knowing that there is vocabulary and explanation that encompasses my life experiences so far has caused me to be hyper aware of both the fact that I am autistic and also the ways in which it impacts me day to day.

Anyway in this conversation it was mentioned that this whole experience is probably putting my body under huge strain and it might be worth looking at ways to support myself nutritionally. Ironically had my brain been functioning recently I might not have needed someone to lead me to this conclusion.

so a lot of different foods were suggested but most of them are ones I know id be reluctant to eat, I mean I am autistic after all, being a picky eater kinda comes with the territory. I did add some more nutritionally dense foods that I am likely to eat, rather than just buy and allow to go bad in my press while I feel bad for the waste. I also bought a number of supplements to give me a helping hand and hopefully they will help and I will stop feeling so exhausted and fuzzy and start feeling more present in my own life. It's certainly worth a try 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The darker side of romance

Image
  For some reason I felt compelled to write about a corner of my past that hasn't been part of my blog before. a heads up to anyone who might be upset by this topic I will be delving into emotional abuse so feel free to stop reading now if you don't feel able to carry on. When I was in my late 20's I met a guy on a night out. He was a few years younger than me and honestly looking back threw up a couple of red flags early but I didn't trust my own intuition plus I was only a few months away from finishing college and planned to move to Edinburgh in a few months so it wasn't like it was going to be anything more than a brief fling. However as time went on I became more infatuated with him, there was an intensity there and he seemed sweet but damaged. Like a perfect modern fairytale I thought I would be the one to fix him. somehow plans changed and he was going to follow me over to Edinburgh, get a job there and we were going to live happily ever after. at this point
Read more

Help, I think I'm autistic

Image
 So I, at the age of 41, have come to the realization that I am autistic.  Growing up I always had a feeling something about me was a little bit off. I never quite fit in and I wasn't sure why. It was like everyone had been given a book of rules of how to exist in society but no one had thought to hand me a copy. Looking back with hindsight the signs were there. I was a super sensitive kid, a sensitivity I have not lost in adulthood, I cried very easily and felt every emotion very deeply. I was a picky eater and very particular about the textures of different food. I was very sensitive to light and noise and the feel of different fabrics. I was never a hugger. all of these things are as true about me now as they were when I was younger. I am socially awkward, I don't make friends that easily and will joke I am an acquired taste. Eye contact is something I have to actively work on and small talk feels like torture.  I thrive on alone time, I am incredibly sensitive to the moods
Read more

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out.
Read more