Let's be weird


 So I am on this journey of discovery post autism realization. I am figuring out ways in which being autistic has impacted my life and how I can best navigate the world within an autistic brain. Let me tell you a lot of if has been really exhausting. I am figuring out how best to accommodate myself and having bursts of frustration at the ways in which being autistic has made my life harder. now don't get me wrong, the struggle was always there, I just didn't know why and couldn't understand why I could not manage things that other people were doing with apparent ease. I genuinely wondered if we were all struggling but there was some secret pact to never speak of it to anyone or if it was just me.

I have been delving into the murky world of unmasking which is tricky because in order to drop the mask you have to first work out which traits you have been suppressing and then also at what specific times and places is it safe to allow the mask to drop. Part of this process is playing around with different accommodations and working out what actually helps make my life better and then being comfortable enough to break them out when needed even at risk of drawing unwanted attention to myself. 

First thing I trialed was fidgets of different shapes and sizes. I didn't actually know what I liked or what might help so this was broached with curiosity. My first being magnets which are great fun and very relaxing. They even came to work with me a few times and attracted the occasional strange look but they have kind of taken a back seat of late. They remain in my handbag for fidget emergencies.

I then bought a selection of different sensory fidgets in a set aimed for kids. That was fun but I didn't really take to them and they sit on my coffee table gathering dust. I did buy a squeezy ball thats been a big hit but it's not exactly portable so that one stays home.

Probably my best purchase on the fidget scale is the two pieces of chewellry I have bought. That's jewellry you can chew on if you're not familiar. I have a lego man (called bill) and a lego brick. Growing up I had a bad habit of chewing pens and clothing and my hair but now I have something I can wear and fidget with and chew when I feel anxious or upset. This I have started wearing out and about. It's attracted some interest but people are mostly too polite to ask about it. I will often volunteer the information about what it is and why I am wearing it.

I have also gotten some over the ear headphones and have taken to wearing them out in environments that are likely to over whelm me from a sensory point of view. These are just regular headphones so less likely to get side eye out in public.

and as well as that I have started to lean in to what brings me joy. I am currently turning my room into this really cosy space which has included buying some squishy cushions/ teddies that look like food items. Honestly they are making things really comfy and I got a happy little buzz when I added them to my room.

I think this part of my journey will be about learning what helps me navigate the world and what brings me join and just leaning into the weird. Whatever that might be .

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