It's almost the 10th anniversary of my 22nd Birthday

 
(me at 22 ) 
#
(me at almost 32, close enough) 

As it nears the tenth anniversary of my 22nd birthday, or my 32nd birthday in other words, I am trying valiantly to ignore how old I feel, especially when I remember how old I'm going to be and there's a bit of a holy shitballs moment.Mind you, that could be early onset dementia so perhaps that's to be expected. Mostly I will tell you I don't feel that old unless I talk to younger people and damn do they have a way of making you feel your age. I don't just mean the lingo you don't really see the appeal of but I am already noticing many of the pop culture references are a little beyond me and when I admit I am not really following the conversation, It makes me feel like I've just accidentally joined in a conversation about sports. Had I known what I was getting myself into I'd probably have just tuned out and read my book.

 The truth is some things have changed in the last 10 years and they aren't all bad. I don't see being in on a Saturday night as a social disaster, in fact I sometimes have to be lured out when my pyjamas are so cosy and my book is getting interesting (yes, I know this is not necessarily a good thing) and when I do make it out, I find the busier bars and night clubs are less like places I want to be in and more like how I imagine the seventh circle of hell to be. While I have a better grasp (most of the time) on how much I should really be drinking, my hangovers have reached a new level of epic, all together less vomiting but a lot more convinced I might actually die from sadness if nothing else. 
My diet has improved sort of but also gotten a lot more restrictive, It's almost like my body is really really angry about how I ate in my late teens and twenties (badly, in case you were wondering) and now likes to intermittently remind me of this when I willingly forget and try to eat something we have already established I am intolerant to (sometimes it's good to check in case anything has changed) but It's like having a really strict inbuilt food babysitter so on the plus side it will keep fat Laura at bay ( we didn't really like her so much). 
I have crossfit now, I will admit I have been wavering since December when I missed a whole month and haven't quite gotten my stride back but I'm hoping that soon I'll reach a point where working out doesn't just remind me how unfit I really am. The important thing is 10 years ago you couldn't have gotten me into a gym at gun point so it's all progress really.
I am making better relationship decisions, if I was so inclined ( and I'm probably enough of a nerd to actually do this) I could make some sort of graph comparing the douchiness (it could be a word) of previous boyfriends with my current one ( first decent guy I've ever gone out with. a fact this is in equal parts sad and novel to me) and it would be sufficient to prove my point. Surely that's a positive part of growing up. Check me out, learning from my mistakes like a real grown up.

 I'm told it's all downhill from here and I don't know if that's true but I think I will be lurching uncertainly into my thirties looking for more new experiences and less wrinkles and grey hairs, please and thank you. But I have asked a friend to give me back my twenties for this birthday so if she comes through on her promise, I'm just going to go with that instead.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out....
Read more

How long does it take to learn to drive?

Image
I remember my nieces a year or so back asking me in an incredulous tone how long it takes to learn to drive because for as long as they could remember I had L plates on my car. The answer in my case is four years. Admittedly I probably could have gotten my full licence sooner if I hadn't been so hesitant to do my test in the three years that have passed since my last attempt. I get very anxious during tests or Interviews and so do not perform particularly well at either. I will put that in my list of things I need to work on in the new year. In time since I have learned to drive I feel I have accomplished a lot and yet I will go out of my way to avoid having to parallel park because I feel like its always going to be my Achilles heel. At least I have come a long way from the days when I used to feel anxious about getting into my car and was likely to bunny hop across roundabouts in third gear. The problem with learning to drive is that the older you do the harder it is and...
Read more

Burnout: the sequel

Image
  I am burnt out. Hardly the most shocking declaration given I have been saying it out loud for a while now but here we are. This isn't my first run in with burn out nor will it likely be my last. Not only am I working in a stressful job, a social care worker in residential care, which is no stranger to burn out but also I am autistic so its like I know a secret short cut to getting there. I think as bragging goes this is up there with declaring how many times I have managed to catch covid. Which is 4 at my current count and they say there are no benefits to working in Health care. If you are lucky enough to not have experienced burnout then I can tell you its not an experience I would recommend to a friend. If you have friends working in social care then you probably wont need to.  Some of the things I have been experiencing are random bouts of crying. Given high sensitivity is part of my autism profile, I am no stranger to crying and the first time I experienced burnout it t...
Read more