Another one bites the dust.

From time to time I like to go through a mini existential crisis which involves me not so much wondering why I'm here on the planet but more what the hell I'm actually doing with my life. It's fun, I recommend you try it. If you didn't have your sarcasm filter on then I apologize, I'll just give you a minute to turn it up to high before I  go on.
I think I'm just having moments where it dawns on me that I'm 32 now and not only am I not following the plan I used to have, I don't even have a new one to replace it. The problem is I have become a little too attached to procrastinating and instead of actually doing anything to resolve this life crisis, I wrap myself up like a burrito on the couch and turn my brain firmly onto the off position.

 As techniques for dealing with a quarter life crisis go, this might not be the best approach. Mostly because all it does is bury the problem until I'm ready to face it and so far that time is always too far off on the horizon. So I'll deal with it later when I don't have work in a hour or when I'm not reading such a good book or when I'm less tired or when I'm not so busy. As you can well imagine I keep pushing it back until I experience some mild palpitations so I calm myself down by eating something delicious or losing myself in tv shows or a really good book or do just about anything but face the problem head on.

 The thing is I didn't plan on always working in a Bookshop, well to be completely honest I didn't plan in working in a bookshop at all even though I always thought in the back of my head I might enjoy it and I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I don't know what options are available to me without lots of money or retraining and I believe it would help if I knew what I actually wanted to do. I looked into actually working in social care a while back as I thought it would be a shame if it turned out I'd wasted all of those years in college but I haven't actually gone anywhere with the information I gathered. I was told I'd need to do €700 worth of courses and get my full licence and then a course of injections for tb (so I would be covered incase a client with TB bit me). The funny thing is if I had the money for all of that then I wouldn't need a social care job in the first place. Not to mention how off putting it is when someone mentions the possibility of being bitten at work ( that's not a danger in my current job) So while I haven't completely ruled that out, I also haven't investigated it any further and in the meanwhile I will probably run out of books I want to read and that will make my bookshop shop just a little bit pointless ( okay so that's not the only reason I want to keep working there but certainly it's a factor) 

 Anyway last night I was playing with my friends 4 year old daughter. We were playing with Barbie dolls and my doll was just a barbie learning to be a princess. It's tough to get into the mindset of imaginary play at 32 because reality just keeps butting in but even with that trying to resist the urge to laugh at some of the things that were being said, I think I did pretty well. One of the things I (or my barbie for whom I was providing the voice) had to do in order to be a princess was sing and that's when I found out that I don't sing at all like a princess which naturally enough was devastating for me as I had believed I had the voice of angel (0f death). This is when I found out I could never be a princess and another career choice bit the dust. Admittedly a career choice I had abandoned by the age of 10 but still, It's not like I couldn't do with the options.

 For now I'll just flounder about in a helpless manner until a solution presents itself to me or I am somehow forced to deal with my lack of future plans. But you know I think if I just go make some pancakes that will help and everything will sort itself out. I'll let you know how that works out for me. 

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