Fat girl training

So today was the day that after an incredibly long break from the world of fitness (but not my longest to date), I made my return to the gym. I had been meaning to go back ever since I finished nights but I had an endless list of excuses that kept me away. I was exhausted and lazy. The early start on my day off did not appeal to me. I didn't want to drive for 40 minutes to do a class when I am driving up and down to Kilkenny every other day for work. Then of course we had my biggest excuse of all, fear. I have taken enough breaks from training to know the return is tough both physically and mentally. The first class is the one where you realise how chronically unfit you have become in your time away and the one of many where you catch sight of your reflection in tight gym clothes and recoil in horror.

 I turned up this morning cold and nervous. I had gone to the trouble some months ago of buying gym clothes that fit me and this did save me the embarrassment of pausing every 10 seconds to pull my pants back over my flabby midsection. The warm up was tough which is only to be expected when I haven't been doing so much as a push up in the intervening months. 
We started with some back squats and mine were ridiculously light if you compared my bar to the others in the gym but I got through my sets with some difficulty. To be fair the hardest part was doing in front of the newly installed mirrors. The purpose of these mirrors is so you can correct your form while weightlifting. Which is an excellent concept unless you become overly preoccupied by how fat you look while squatting and then refuse to make eye contact with your reflection.

 We then moved on to a mix of wall balls and deadlifts. I was just really grateful to not have any burpees. Then again I am always grateful to not have burpees as a rule. It was hard but I managed better than I thought. Mostly because I was paired with a much fitter woman who exercises the sort of dedication to training that I can never seem to muster so I pushed myself so as to not hold her back. However I did not die and we did finish before the time was up so here's to small victories. My legs felt like jelly by the end but I still made it to my car.

 After a few hours I found getting up stairs a struggle so going on past experience my weekend in work should be fun but I am hoping that on my next day off I will make the trek down to the gym to continue my journey bit by bit until I no longer feel like the least fit person in the whole gym. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The darker side of romance

Image
  For some reason I felt compelled to write about a corner of my past that hasn't been part of my blog before. a heads up to anyone who might be upset by this topic I will be delving into emotional abuse so feel free to stop reading now if you don't feel able to carry on. When I was in my late 20's I met a guy on a night out. He was a few years younger than me and honestly looking back threw up a couple of red flags early but I didn't trust my own intuition plus I was only a few months away from finishing college and planned to move to Edinburgh in a few months so it wasn't like it was going to be anything more than a brief fling. However as time went on I became more infatuated with him, there was an intensity there and he seemed sweet but damaged. Like a perfect modern fairytale I thought I would be the one to fix him. somehow plans changed and he was going to follow me over to Edinburgh, get a job there and we were going to live happily ever after. at this point
Read more

Help, I think I'm autistic

Image
 So I, at the age of 41, have come to the realization that I am autistic.  Growing up I always had a feeling something about me was a little bit off. I never quite fit in and I wasn't sure why. It was like everyone had been given a book of rules of how to exist in society but no one had thought to hand me a copy. Looking back with hindsight the signs were there. I was a super sensitive kid, a sensitivity I have not lost in adulthood, I cried very easily and felt every emotion very deeply. I was a picky eater and very particular about the textures of different food. I was very sensitive to light and noise and the feel of different fabrics. I was never a hugger. all of these things are as true about me now as they were when I was younger. I am socially awkward, I don't make friends that easily and will joke I am an acquired taste. Eye contact is something I have to actively work on and small talk feels like torture.  I thrive on alone time, I am incredibly sensitive to the moods
Read more

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out.
Read more