The things I can do

Ive become used to my negative self talk around my body. I barely even notice I'm doing it but it feels like for as long as I can remember I havent been happy with how I look and I've always been at the front of the queue when it comes insulting myself.  Derogatory remarks are second nature and I know part of this is the quintessential Irish thing of not wanting to seem too up yourself. There's another deeper part thats engrained in me, this feeling that I will never be good enough.

Right now if I was to honestly assess myself I would say my stomach horrifies me, my face is not slim enough, I have cellulite galore and If I were to jump I would jiggle so much there would probably be a ripple effect strong enough to create an earthquake on the other side of the world ( admittedly I have no factual basis for this last one aside from the fact that I am very jiggly). Anyway I could pick myself apart for weeks until there was nothing left but thats not the point of this post.

This morning I was at the gym and Some thing occurred to me. In fact I dont know why it had never occurred to me before. Over the last few years I have done a lot of work with adults with disabilities both intellectual and physical. These individuals required various levels of support for most activities. Anyway I was mid workout when I suddenly realised I had been looking at everything wrong. I have been so preoccupied with everything my body is not that I have never taken the time to celebrate what my body is capable of. There are so many activities that I can partake in with great ease while others cannot.
Not only am I capable of ordinary things but with every gym class I am pushing my body to do more than it has done before. Every time I pull myself out of bed and in to the gym I am getting better, faster and stronger.

So from now on I am going to try to be less hung up on my many squishy parts and try and be grateful for what my body can do. After a lifetime of putting myself down its going to be an uphill climb but Im willing to give it a go.

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