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Showing posts from October, 2013

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

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I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out....

Happy Halloween

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I was collecting my nieces from school before their mid-term break and they came out of school dressed as a wizard and witch and then proceeded to chatter excitedly all the way to my car about the different costumes you can have. Children tend to mostly go for scary and cute at halloween because those are the only dimensions of this holiday that they actually understand and the smaller they are the less scary their costumes seem to be. In fact the girls (at 5 and 7) were talking about how some of the older kids had costumes they found to be too scary. Still being of a rather delicate nature when it comes to all things spooky we, as their extended family, have danced around some of the scarier elements of halloween like the zombies, what vampires actually do and ghost stories. This means the girls are prone to throwing around terms like haunted without actually knowing what it means. Such as vampires are haunted to which I reply sure guys vampires are haunted and leave it there like a...

survival of the wittiest

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If it is indeed survival of the fittest then I am unlikely to be one of the last women standing. If however it is survival of the sort of fit or the getting there then I am likely to fare much better. If watching people do crossfit at a competitive level has thought me nothing else it's that I have a long, long way to go and also that if you work hard enough you can really do anything. Online there's a different world where you can look however you like because everyone lies anyway. People put up Facebook photos that are 2 years old because they look skinnier or just have the handful taken from a really flattering angle and have maybe tweaked them just a little. Social networking sites like Facebook and twitter and blogger, this is where the sharp tongued and quick witted thrive and it is my arena. When I sit down to blog a virtual torrent of sarcasm comes spewing forth and finally I am allowed to vent all the minor irritations that have grated on me throughout the day. ...

is possibly phone-less again

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Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to have a phone. Like when I lose an almost brand new one on a night out or drop a phone so many times it's lucky its not in pieces. In fact my current phone has had the screen replaced twice and today it had an accidental dunking in a cup of tea which I initially laughed off because it seemed fine until a few hours later it started doing a worrying flickering thing which caused a panicky fluttery feeling in my stomach. I know I am a little too dependent on technology. I acknowledge this and embrace it to an extent because having a phone that is like a mini computer is kind of awesome until the battery dies two hours after you've left the house because you've been doing so many cool things with it. Right now my phone is currently in a bowl of rice beside a dehumidifier while I say little prayers to whichever deities look after phones and hope that a night of sacrificing my phone will turn on like normal and I will learn my lesson ...

How to be the best babysitter ever

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I was minding a friends 4 year old the other day and she informed me that I am a really good babysitter and if you've ever met a 4 year old you would know they aren't really inclined to say things like that to be nice. Small children are often honest to a fault and hours spent minding my nieces has taught me this so I will be taking that compliment and patting myself on the back. If you don't believe me on the honesty front she also told me my new apartment was really nice and not at all smelly like my old one (because of the damp). I did ask for a badge so I could wear it to show people that I am in fact a really good babysitter but she didn't have any pins so you will just have to take my word for it. If you are feeling envious of my babysitting finesse then I will kindly share some of my tips with you but only because I'm lovely like that. 1. Be sure to play lots of games. Good baby sitters always play games. Be it hide in the seek in the park or tag. And i...

I think I might be an emotional genius.

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I read an article somewhere a few years back that was saying how there's actually more than one type of intelligence. I know that as society we put most of our focus on IQ but it's actually more complex than that. Now I don't remember all eight but he did say how athletes possess a kinetic intelligence and musicians a musical intelligence and there's also verbal and written and emotional plus some I've clearly forgotten . Recently I was having a discussion about emotional intelligence. In case you don't know what that is according to psychology.com (totally legit website sure it has the word psychology in the title) is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Anyway, even though I'm pretty sure I've done something similar before, I did an online quiz that would tell me what my emotional intelligence was or my eq as the experts call it. It came back with the result that I have an above average emotional intelligence. You heard me rig...

You're never too old ....

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Some of you might have noticed I'm not exactly a teenager anymore despite how I behave sometimes. Okay so fine I'ts been a good 12 years since I last qualified as a teenager but doesn't mean I'm not entitled to still enjoy a good young adult novel. I have been known to scoff somewhat at the adult women who frequent the childrens' section to read exclusively young adult fantasy and I'm aware I'm not a million miles away from them but I'm allowing myself a free pass for two reasons and it's not because I'm biased or have a tendency to go easy on myself. Excuse number one I also read other stuff, lots of other stuff and secondly It's my job. Now I know I don't get paid to read the books in my section but I do get asked to make recommendations all the time and it helps if I've actually read the stuff as I'm a terrible liar and people can usually tell when I'm making stuff up on the spot. Anyway nothing in the shop was jumping ...

The great big clear out

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This weekend I have been gradually moving some of my stuff into the new apartment because why waste my days off moving if I can get most of it out of the way now. I have already moved two full car loads and honestly my apartment still looks inhabited which is either a sign I need to be less messy (genuine possibility) or just that I have far too much stuff. I mean come on I have moved so many times in the last five years you think I'd have it down to a fine art but all evidence points to the contrary. Now that the move is imminent ( I wont be living there till Tuesday ) or you know, happening, I'm getting quite excited about not living here anymore. Since packing up I have been finding water ( I'm assuming this is due to the damp) in the most surprising of places and my bathroom floor has a mysterious wet sheen to it and it's so bloody dark that I am sitting here before work with my light on. When I was over randomly dumping bags of my stuff in my new bedroom I coul...

Today is the day I don't like children

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You know when you have one of those days at work where you want to go home and slip into a bath of wine but then you remember you don't have wine or a bath in your house so you settle for devouring the last of the almond butter. I feel like when I get my week off (as soon as I finish work tomorrow) I'll have earned it because nothing dampens my liking for children/being around people than a weekend at work. As an introvert I sometimes find it exhausting to be with large groups of people and whenever I'm working Saturdays I feel drained and maybe somewhat tempted to go hide in the magazine store until they are all gone away.  Recently I went with my nieces to this place back home called planet playground. It's one of those horrific indoor play areas with a ball pit and lots of inflatable stuff and all of these foam things to climb over and they serve all kinds of crap you don't want to feed your kids and then top off the experience by playing really inappropriate...

I swear I'm normally a lot smarter but ....

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I am suffering from a serious case of workout brain so I am not my usual witty self. In fact I spent the day having extreme difficulty concentrating and coherent sentences just weren't happening for me. After I did my evening class I actually spent a solid 5 minutes in the car park convinced my car had been stolen (and panicking like a panicky thing) but then I remembered where I parked it and all was well with the workout. I was relieved, obviously, but then maybe more than a little worried about my mental state in general and the fact that I was expected to drive back to Waterford. Fortunately I have made the drive so many times I can do it on automatic, which was for the best because it seems automatic is all I have left. When I got home this evening I actually spent a full 2 minutes absentmindedly trying to force a box of crackers into my fridge before I realized what I was actually doing and so it will go for the night because there is no cure for workout brain except slee...

Bridget Jones's other diary

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I'm not sure that being single is any worse or better than being in a relationship but it sure has been interesting. Even though I am very much aware that Bridget Jones, as a character, is intended to be caricature of single women everywhere I feel relieved that I'm not that much of a disaster and maybe mildly panicked that as a single woman in her early thirties I could probably write my own version of the story. Some might say that I'm already doing that with my blog but that's probably because you don't know the kind of things I don't blog about. Mostly I like being single and I certainly haven't met any one who has convinced me to even consider changing my rogue single ways ( doing whatever the hell I want) but I have been on a few dates. Now If you read more than the odd random blog post you'll know I am attempting to implement a policy of listening to my gut to avoid disaster later down the line. The new reformed Laura is very sensible indeed b...

This years resolutions

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Why wait until January to make resolutions, sure that's when the new year begins but it's a bit like the concept of only starting a diet on a Monday. It's a way to delay the inevitable, procrastination at it's finest. So I'm thinking if you want to make changes well then starting making them now. In the middle of October no one will be expecting it and also no one really has to know if all your resolutions go to shit.  So here's what I've been thinking and no, I have no plans to change the world, just the tiny world that I inhabit. Recently ( as in twice this week) I have managed to make it to the beach for a proper walk which is virtually unheard of for me. Even though I am regularly willing to drive to Clonmel to workout I'd be hard pushed to drive out to Tramore for a walk because I am that weird sort of lazy. Clearly I am missing out because I know Tramore is at it's most popular in the summer when the amusements and 'casinos' ( I use...

This ones for the morning people

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If you're a morning person then we probably won't be friends. To say i am not at my best in the morning time would be an understatement. It's okay though because I do like to understate.  Are you one of those people who wakes and just springs out of bed ready to greet   the day ? Yea well would you please do it somewhere else because some of us are busy trying to sleepwalk our way to work. In the mornings my alarm goes off and I lie there thinking why is that alarm going off in the middle of the night and then realise it's actually morning and I make low pitched groany sounds as I lie in bed with one eye open hoping the morning will just go away. When it inevitably doesn't I gently peel myself off the bed and head for the shower in the hopes of waking up there. my morning routine involves a lot of time wasting and pandering to my tired brain and no interacting whatsoever with other people. That part is important because morning Laura is not a...

Have you got a moment to talk about almond butter

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Well here goes, I have a problem. I am somewhat, slightly , okay maybe more than slightly addicted to almond butter. So much so that I have I mildly contemplated emailing meridian and telling them about my fondness for their jars of organic almondy goodness in the hope that they might out of the goodness of their hearts send me a jar or two. I would probably also mention that I may have been the poster child for their jam campaign 25 years ago just in case that swings things in my favor.  I'm not quite stealing to support my habit so I suppose you could say on balance that it's not really that big a problem. Except for the fact that yesterday alone I think I might have had four conversations just about almond butter ( in my defense one of these conversations was with the lady in the health food store who knows me by name, mostly because of frequent trips to purchase almond butter) and it ended up with me buying a jar on my lunch.  Before I go on I think I need to clear u...

Strong is the new skinny

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Strong is the new skinny or so I've been told but I'm not entirely sure I buy into it.  Are you familiar with fitspiration ? It's fitness inspiration mostly in photo form and it's all over the internet if you care to go looking for it. Throughout my teens and twenties I used to look at models and celebrities with their airbrushed bodies and wish I could look like them not seeing the airbrushing but only the ideals I could never hope to meet especially because I ate whatever I wanted and didn't have an exercise regime as such. In the intervening years I've grown up a lot and actually started to take care of myself (clean eating and crossfit) and now fitspiration is kind of my thing. That is not to say to that I am one of the few posting weight loss and progress photos to a band of loyal followers because that would feel weird and attention seeking. I could however happily while away several hours trawling fitspiration photos online and I'm such a sucker f...

Feed me, Feed me , feed me !!

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I would say I always used to spend a certain amount of time thinking about food, what I would eat and when I would eat it but lately things have changed and it's taking up way too much mental space. I could be out there changing the world and making a name for myself but I'm not because I'm too busy thinking about what to eat next and when I'll get to eat it.  I have found since I discovered crossfit in a big way (like the last year or so because before that I was doing the workouts but not feeling the same level of commitment) and started building some muscle ( but not in a blokey way) that I am perpetually hungry. Well not right now, right now I'm kinda stuffed because I ate too much but that's another story.  I frequently reach a point in my day (especially at work when I can only eat on breaks) where I am so hungry that you shouldn't bother speaking to me because I will lose the capacity to function properly. My attention span goes to shit and all ...

Why is your child crying ?

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We got a book into the shop today called reasons why my kid is crying and its a humorous book based on the popular tumblr of the same name. This guy compiled a series of photos of his three year old crying for the most ridiculous reasons and then many other parents of small children found this so utterly relatable that it went viral and then other people sent in photos of their kids for the blog too. Now I don't have any children, not even a little one stashed away somewhere. If you don't believe me you can search my apartment, it wont take long because it's not very big. But I have enough experience with the tiny folk for this to sufficiently amuse me. Here's a link to the tumblr if you would care to check it out  http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/  and if you don't laugh then perhaps it's because you're a humorless monster. I jest. Anyway the whole thing got me thinking about me as a child and yes that's me in the photo. I know I look very cute b...

Everyday sexism

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I've been following everyday sexism on twitter I feel like I've learned a few things mostly that there are worse things in life than being whistled at (however demeaning that may be) and also that I am immensely glad I don't have to travel on public transport in London (mostly because I don't live in London but it's still a win) given the amount of incidents of public masturbation, If my twitter feed is to be believed. who actually does that on public transport !! lots of random men on the tube apparently and people wonder why Londoners are so hesitant to make eye contact on public transport. I would be too if that was a possibility.  As a woman living in a much smaller city I too have been subjected to many incidents of sexism, everyday in fact. Sure it's good to exchange these stories with other women and we can sit there and fume in our collective fury but is it really changing anything. Probably not, I have been complaining for years now and nothing has ...

Happy places

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You know the expression go to your happy place. I think that's usually meant as a mental happy place as opposed to an actual location. Where you retreat into your own head and remember happier times or think happy thoughts and I get that, really I do. I'm sure I've done a guided mediation thing at least once that involved something along those lines. I have however recently realized my happy place is an actual location. And no it's not a tropical island or a fancy spa which is really good considering the fact that if that was to be the case then I would never get to go there.  So here goes, as banal as this sounds my happy place is tkmaxx. Now once upon a time it used to be my favourite bookshop where I could happily spend an hour or two surrounded by books wishing I could fill a trolley with as many as I could fit in there. Then some fool (me) decided to go and get a job in there and somehow being there five days a week has taken away it's potential to sooth me...

Dear Monday ...............

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Like some misplaced hang up from school as well my inability (even at this point in my life) to think of my old teachers as individuals with lives outside the school, I have also brought a dislike of Mondays with me into adult life. Given that I often work all weekend it's a misplaced hatred as Monday is just another day of the week to me. When your days off keep changing sometimes the other days of the week blend together until you have to check your phone to see where you are or you'll find yourself in work on a Sunday going to call a stockist that is clearly closed because you forget that Sunday is still a day of rest for some people. Long gone are the days when Sundays were the days of the big family dinner, a bath followed by watching Glenroe in your pyjamas as your hair dried by the fire and then ushered up to bed so you would be rested for school on a Monday morning. I'm glad that's part of time past but I still can't shake those Monday Blues. ...

The apartment complex*

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Let the countdown begin to the big move because after a lot of needless stress I have somewhere new to live, yay. After much soul searching ( humming and hawing plus checking property websites) I came to the conclusion that the kind of apartment I really want is actually out of my budget so I can either be broke and live in a dingy little apartment by myself or share and I guess I must be in gambling humor because I've agreed to share. This makes me more than a little nervous truth be told. Even though I've met my future room mate and he seems like a nice guy, you never really know someone until you live with them and by then it will be a little late. Not wanting to pick the first apartment I saw because of apartment lust ( if there was such a thing I certainly had it) so I decided to view some other places. There's not a lot of shares out there right now especially if you're not willing to share with a load of students ( and I'm not) so I had two places lined u...

The book of answers

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If you're not familiar with the book of answer then take a seat and let me explain. Do you remember the magic 8 ball? you used to ask it a yes or no question then shake it and it would answer your question with one of about 8 options (maybe less). Okay well imagine the magic 8 ball wasn't a ball but a book and instead of 8 options, It's more like 200. The premise remains the same, you think of a yes or no question then thumb the pages, stop when it feels right and you have your answer. If you don't like your answer then feel free to cheat and go again repeatedly till the book of answers does its job properly and tells you what you want to hear. I've been a fan of the book of answers ever since I first discovered it and we had many fun nights in college when we were having a few drinks and getting ready to go out asking it pointless things. Nowadays with technology moving on the actual book is at my parents house in my old room but I get my fix with a handy app ...