The last days


After two and a half years of spending slightly more time in a bookshop than I would have as a customer ( that might be an exaggeration) I am heading into my last four days there. In some ways it feels like not enough and I feel like I am rushing out there, there are things I want to organise, changes I'd like to make, books I've to read. But in others it feels like far too many as my desire to be looking after books has somewhat waned in the aftermath of handing in my notice. Yes, I know I am a complex woman. 

 It doesn't really feel real, even though I have taken to crying out in a dramatic voice that this is the last time I'll count a till (second last actually) or the last time I'll place an order but then I go back to work and it feels utterly implausible  that come Wednesday morning I wont be standing in the shop trying to come up with something worth mentioning in the morning meeting. Although I think in news for Children's books, my departure will surely suffice. 
I am not sure how you are expected to behave in these circumstances, should I be going around work in a weepy fashion hugging books or staff members (it is far more likely that I would be spotted hugging a book) and this weekend is my final weekend working for the time being. I am sure I will pick up extra hours in other other areas of social care once I have settled into the new role but for now I think I will feel a bit lost come Saturday when I am not surrounded by squeaky puppets and over excited tiny people. What do other people do on Saturdays anyway ? I get them off so rarely that it's a special occasion which needs to be marked by day trip somewhere so as not to waste it. 

 I am trying to prepare for the new role which so far has consisted of buying stationary and gathering all the paperwork they have sent me. Tomorrow I have a few more things to buy in preparation and I am trying to hide how excited I am at the thought of purchasing pens, post its and notebooks. I have also bought a lunch box and a coffee pot. I have a feeling money will be a little tight for the first few weeks as my new employers only pay fortnightly which will take a little adjusting to. So at least I can start my mornings with a cup of coffee and everything else will work itself out. I have even been coming up with possible ways to solve my book crisis. The book crisis being that I have become accustomed to an ongoing supply of books that I can borrow, devour and return and that's being cut off on Tuesday. I will be like a junkie forced to go cold turkey or at least I would if I had to sit around bookless until such a time as I could afford to buy everything I want to read. I am rejoining the library and also I will be getting in touch with the publicity department of every major Uk and Irish publisher and offering myself up as a reviewer. Hopefully it will pan out and I wont become one of those people who goes into the shop to smell and fondle the books ( they really do exist)

 And for now I'll go to work and keep the children's department in order, trying not to countdown my remaining days too much and taking a deep breath every time the place gets thrashed and remind myself that next weekend it wont be my problem. There's a chance I may need gentle reminding of that when I am next in browsing, in case I try to answer the bell at the customer service desk or give the Children's section a tidy. I am not sure when it will hit me that I really am leaving, maybe it will be Tuesday as it nears 5.30 and I will be a little teary or perhaps it wont be until Wednesday morning when my alarm doesn't go off and I head into town out of uniform and untethered. 

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