The fear of change

I wanted to write a blog post about how I don't like major changes but I didn't have an image to illustrate that so instead I put together a scenic collage of day out myself and Stephen had in Dunhill. it might not really make sense but at least it's pretty.

 Someone I know recently told me there were similarities between me and their new kitten and no its  not that the kitten is overly sarcastic or writes a blog but that would surely be impressive. The kitten doesn't like new things, is fussy with food and is full of surprises and I was surprised by accurate that was. Now I am not stuck to my routine or anything but I do like things a certain way and sometimes changes even ones that are ultimately good do scare me. 

 I think sometimes being scared can be a good thing provided all your instincts aren't screaming that you're making a terrible decision. I am happy within my comfort zones and I guess sometimes that makes me inclined to plod along. There is great comfort to be taken in routine, I should know because I am an expert on it but if everything stays the same then life gets pretty boring.

 I know I initially panicked when my housemate moved out and a younger student was put in his place but it turned out to not be the disaster I predicted. My old housemate was a little messy, not home a lot and a pretty sound guy and I felt like we had developed a sort of rhythm living together in that somehow I got most of the living room and cupboard space and he didn't seem to be around often enough to mind. So admittedly I was a little spoilt because I came pretty close to living alone while still having someone pay half the bills. Now he has gone to be all loved up with his girlfriend and I had to adjust to the change that is living with someone new. I know I initially declared it a disaster and we got off to a bad start but we had a chat and now we're getting along just fine. Or at least I think we are, I never know when she's home because she's not out of her room much and I am really hoping that's her choice and not that she's worried about coming out. 

 I am also looking to make some changes creatively, I was talking to another writer recently about writing on another blog to raise my profile and if that does come about then that's exciting but a little scary and also my boyfriend is very keen for me to read something at the open mic night being run monthly in Central Arts (next one is Monday 23rd Feb at 8pm) but I am pretty sure none of my poetry is up to standard and it makes me feel just a little ill thinking about it. It's new and terrifying and perhaps down the line I might even attempt without passing out before I get to the mic.

 I am also looking to move into social care at some point, after all I have been out of college five years now and I am getting a little worried that my degree might actually disintegrate if I don't use it soon. So I am weighing up my options and bracing myself for the scariness that lies ahead. I am not sure which prospect is more terrifying the thought that I might eventually get what I am after or the thought that I might not.

 So there's been a lot of changes and there will be more to come in coming months but they haven't killed me yet so I'll keep smiling and try not to look completely terrified at the prospect. 

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