The last hours



This is not the first time I have worked nights so it would be fair to say I know what to expect. I sit at home drinking a coffee and my bag is packed. I have snacks and tea and things to doodle on, I will be wearing extra layers for the cold part of the night and I know there will be jobs to do in work to keep me going so fortunately it wont be a night of sitting. All the same I feel apprehensive heading in.

I am less worried about the night itself and more so about the last hour and the drive home and then the overwhelming tiredness that follows plus the way that there never seems be enough sleep to fill the void and then before you know it you are up drinking coffee, with a bag packed, preparing for my next night at work.

All weekend I have been preparing myself for what lies ahead, the nights at Christmas and trying to make sure I am as prepared I can be and stocking up on sleep as though that will insulate me against the sleep I will be missing in coming weeks. Today I could feel the clock ticking away, each hour bringing me closer to the long night ahead and while it was in the plan to get at least an hours sleep this afternoon, my body would not submit to resting. 

And so I find myself trying to make the best of the situation I am in. After all in two hours I will start my night and in 14 hours time I will be back in my own bed, a bit later than I would like, trying to gather as much sleep as I can amid the days noise. 

But for now I write one last blog post while sentences don't yet seem like an impossible task and I count down my last hours of clarity before the marshmallow brain kicks in. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out....
Read more

How long does it take to learn to drive?

Image
I remember my nieces a year or so back asking me in an incredulous tone how long it takes to learn to drive because for as long as they could remember I had L plates on my car. The answer in my case is four years. Admittedly I probably could have gotten my full licence sooner if I hadn't been so hesitant to do my test in the three years that have passed since my last attempt. I get very anxious during tests or Interviews and so do not perform particularly well at either. I will put that in my list of things I need to work on in the new year. In time since I have learned to drive I feel I have accomplished a lot and yet I will go out of my way to avoid having to parallel park because I feel like its always going to be my Achilles heel. At least I have come a long way from the days when I used to feel anxious about getting into my car and was likely to bunny hop across roundabouts in third gear. The problem with learning to drive is that the older you do the harder it is and...
Read more

Burnout: the sequel

Image
  I am burnt out. Hardly the most shocking declaration given I have been saying it out loud for a while now but here we are. This isn't my first run in with burn out nor will it likely be my last. Not only am I working in a stressful job, a social care worker in residential care, which is no stranger to burn out but also I am autistic so its like I know a secret short cut to getting there. I think as bragging goes this is up there with declaring how many times I have managed to catch covid. Which is 4 at my current count and they say there are no benefits to working in Health care. If you are lucky enough to not have experienced burnout then I can tell you its not an experience I would recommend to a friend. If you have friends working in social care then you probably wont need to.  Some of the things I have been experiencing are random bouts of crying. Given high sensitivity is part of my autism profile, I am no stranger to crying and the first time I experienced burnout it t...
Read more