Getting my life together


I know there must be more to life than buying myself a small present whenever I feel a bit down which lately is more often than I would like. One of the things I am prone to doing,for as long as I can remember, is taking stock of where I'm at in life and usually I find myself coming up short. Perhaps Im too harsh a critic but I don't think this is necessarily a terrible habit given  that occasionally it gives me that extra push to make changes in my life.

So this is where I am at right now. Im 35, admittedly this panics me a little as I keep getting older without meaning to and I can't seem to stop time slipping through my fingers. Not that anyone can but in some mad way I feel like there's a place I would like to be in life and I'm nowhere near there and time is running out.

I'm living with my parents but this is a very short term arrangement. I'll be moved into my new accommodation in under a fortnight. I will be renting again and it feels like I'm doomed to a lifetime of renting. I know this is common among my generation and yet I feel a panic at the idea that I might never own my own place.

I'm single. Now this is a very recent development but I'm sure anyone who reads my blog will be well aware of this fact given how many blogs have hinged on this topic over the last three weeks. I will admit things weren't exactly great when I was in a relationship. I suppose that much is obvious or else we would never have broken up. In some ways as I dutily ignored the cracks in our relationship, I still felt an awareness of the impermanence of what we had. In some ways I think I am no better or worse off than I was a month ago. While I try and pick myself up and put myself back together, there is a fear that could be it. I did enough dating while single to know I could soon find myself wading through the sea of douchebaggery and I am certain the dating pool wont have hugely improved over the last four years. It does not give me great hope for my future dating prospects.

Last but not least my career. I did an awful around of messing around in jobs I hated before finding my feet. Part of this was because it took me a while to get myself together and into college and then obviously supporting myself financially through college. After that I lacked confidence in my professional ability and that only grew in time the longer I was out of college so that's how I find myself at 35 waiting to begin my very first social care job. Im sure my life experiences so far have shaped me into the woman I am today and perhaps this will make me a better social care worker than I could have been 10 years ago.

I'm sure it time it will all slot into place and my life will work out entirely as it means to. Until that time I'm sure it will give me plenty to blog about


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