Moving on ....

Today I got word that the house I looked out in Kilkenny is actually going to be mine to rent. I will be moving in at the end of the month. In case you didn't read my previous post, it's just outside Kilkenny but close enough to make my commute a dream compared to what I have now. It's a bright spacious two bed house just a few feet away from the bigger house the landlord owns. I have been describing it like a granny flat that's not attached but I am not sure it does it justice. It's a lovely space that I can actually afford to live in and soon it will be all mine.

Naturally I am excited because this is the move I knew I was going to make before the break up but also one I had been thinking about even before that point when things weren't going well. Particularly when I was in over a 3 day weekend and I was spending so much time driving home to sleep and then come back in and do it all again. I will say however that as much as I am excited to be starting over there is also an element of sadness to this move. And no it is not because I am devastated to be leaving Clonmel (sorry, Clonmel). As much as I have enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with family and friends, I can't say there is enough happening in Clonmel to keep me here as well as the fact that the commute is a bitch.

The reason for my sadness at this move is what it actually signals for me. Because moving out of my apartment brought me to my parents place and not a place of my own, this move always felt temporary. Now I am not totally nuts, I knew I had made the right decision for me at this time and I wasn't to go running back to my apartment in Waterford if I was asked nicely. At the same time this felt rather transient. Where as this move to my lovely own space in Kilkenny is a permanent full stop. I guess what I mean is it is moving on in more than just one way.

Intellectually I know the right thing to do is to walk away from a relationship that wasn't making either of us happy and in a new city I wont have to be confronted with the reality of my ex eventually moving on without me but despite being a relatively intelligent young woman I allow myself to ruled more by heart than my head and so I am a mixed bag of emotions. 

So move on is what I will have to do both with my life and with my postal address and hopefully with time I will feel more excitement than I do regret. 


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