Skinny Bitches

(Skinny Bitches not pictured)

You know how women often refer to other women in scathing tones. It's a thing, we have all done it. Usually I would use the term Skinny Bitch for anyone fitting into the clothes I hadn't a hope of getting into. For a long time I really wanted to be one of those mysterious women, the ones who don't worry about muffin top or having to do that extremely sexy dance to get their tights to slither their way back up over their belly. Especially when I was eating all the bad foods and preferring stretchy pants that I wore to work over my jeans that felt like they were personally attacking me whenever I sat down.

Now I will admit it has taken me quite some time for my mindset to change but I have gradually come around to a new way of thinking. After I was a skinny bitch before and I didn't actually reap any benefits because it was only as I slithered into my size 8 jeans I realised the issue wasn't with my size after all. I had finally gotten down to the size I had wanted for so very long only to realise I didn't really like myself and that's a much bigger issue.

This time though I have loftier goals. I am not on a diet, it's a whole lifestyle and mindset change. After all I have bought a fitbit so I must be committed. I am already at least 10% fitter just from purchasing one or so I keep telling myself to justify the ludicrous cost of a glorified watch/step counter. Seriously though I do feel the fitbit is pushing me to be a bit more active as well as providing me with some interesting stats about my workout performance and other details worth knowing about my health. I have also started using my fitness pal again. I swear this time around I won't become fixated on the calorie counting. I love the fact that it syncs with my fitbit and its keeping me on the straight and narrow (if you don't count the occasional bag of O'donnells crisps). Plus I am actively trying to eat more fish for the proteins and I am also trying to not eat it begrudgingly like some child who can't leave the table until the fish is gone. This is a struggle for me still but I am eating it at least twice a week which is two times more than I was eating it before. 

The main thing for me right now is the training. For two weeks now I have successfully managed to get to three Crossfit classes a week which has been great in many ways. I am starting to see myself make tiny improvements on the movements I have struggled with for a long time and I am getting stronger even if you wouldn't know it to look at me and I think it is the training more than anything that has changed how I look at my end goal. It is no longer to get into the smaller jeans, although I wont be crying into my mushroom coffee if I do. Now though I want to get better and faster and stronger. I want to learn to do all of the things I could never do before and conquer my fear of all the things which have always seemed impossible. I want to return to my old gym to train and impress my old coach by skipping without tangling myself in a skipping rope or by getting more than one chin up. Mostly though I want to impress myself. I want to look back and see how far I have come.  I want to start looking at my body for what it can do rather than what it is not. It will be a gradual shift and there's a lot of hard work in getting there but I want to be so much more than just a skinny bitch.