Fear of going it alone

If are not aware I am now single then clearly this is your first visit to my blog. Welcome, you will find no fashion tips here. Being single obviously has a lot of sides to it. In most ways I am better off especially because the relationship I was in was not happy for either of us so there was no real benefit to hanging on in there. The other thing would be the side benefits I am now 80-90% less anxious than I was over the last few months and the other one would be that the break up gave me the much needed kick up the ass to tackle my crap diet and make me return to the gym. In most ways I am finding life to have improved aside from the gap left from sharing your life with someone but that's not what this post is about.

The one thing I have become very aware of in the last few weeks in my aloneness. In a lot of ways this is a really good thing. It gives my little introvert battery all the space it needs to recharge. Obviously I have friends and family so its not like I have no social contact outside of work but I live alone now and I am adjusting to the ways in which my life has now changed. I think in some ways being an introvert and dating someone more extroverted led me to fall back on him to do certain things like talk to strangers on my behalf. I played the introvert card a little too hard until we both began to believe that I truly was unable to ask a stranger for assistance in a shop. What we had both managed to forget is that I had been single for many years before getting involved with someone and managed these tasks just fine and I may well be single for a good while yet so I am sure these rusty social skills will return.

I am finding though that this new state involves me putting myself out there and going out alone. Now I am not going into bars or nightclubs by myself. The thought of that makes me feel a bit like I might vomit. But I recently went to see a movie in a bar in town and I was supposed to meet two girlcrew ladies but due to some breakdown in communication they did not show and I found myself outside the bar feeling torn between my desire to see the film and my fear of walking into this place conspicuously alone. I bit the bullet and went by myself. I did not burst into flames, no one pointed and laughed and I might even do it again.

I will admit my natural instincts would be to stay in and hibernate with the safety of my books and internet and all my pretty lights but I did too much of that with my ex until he was the one out having all the fun and I stayed home pacing angrily like a fish wife. I am determined to make more of my life now that I have this fresh start. 

So I will be pushing myself to go out to more things even if I don't know anyone going and I will make an effort to make small talk with people in my gym or yoga classes. I will ask the waiter if they have gluten free options rather than just guessing and hoping for the best. I will make the phone call I would really rather someone make on my behalf but only if there isn't some way for me to get the information online. I am going to go it alone but I will do it better than I have before and know that being alone doesn't have to be lonely.

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