a funny kind of feeling

Lately I haven't been in a great place and I mean that emotionally although come to think of it, I'm not in that great a place geographically speaking either. I have reached the point of being so fed up with where my life is at that it's starting to eat into everything else. I already mentioned the binge reading but seeing as I'm only borrowing the books it's not doing much in the way of harm. I'm also emotionally eating like it's just become cool again. I had some mad thought that because I used to turn to sugar when I was feeling down or stressed that when I eliminated sugar, the problem would take care of itself but sadly it seems that emotional eating is more about fulfilling the need for comfort through food than what I'm actually eating. The other day I had a really bad day and I'd like to pinpoint one thing that made it so but there was just something in the air when I dragged myself wearily out of be that told me it wasn't going to go well. By my coffee break I had taken myself to the supermarket and bought a half pan of spelt bread and had a slice, by lunch I had four more toasted and covered liberally in almond butter and that was where I meant to stop, knowing there would be hell to pay from my stomach which has made it clear on many the occasion that spelt is not our friend. By the time I got home from work, I was feeling worn out and utterly despondent so I had some tea and more toast while I tried to summon the energy to make a dinner and then I abandoned all hope and ate the last of it instead of dinner, consequences be damned. I'm still paying for it, last night I was up half the night with stomach cramps. If that's not a lesson to me then I don't know what will be.

 The other side effect of this heavy mood is I have no energy whatsoever for anything. For the last few nights whether I'm alone or with Stephen, I find myself falling asleep at a ridiculously early time, regardless of whether or not I actually want to. That seems to have no bearing whatsoever but at least three times this week I have missed a tv show we were watching a little after 10 because despite my fighting, my eyes refused to stay open. So then I sleep all night (last night was an exception) and find myself having to peel myself from the bed come morning because I feel absolutely shattered. 

 I know all of these things are connected and each of them in turn are causing my stomach problems to get worse although I think we can safely give the bread most of the credit in this area and It's like I'm slowly falling apart but all I know for certain is something's got to change. Luckily I have the next two days off so I can get my head together, maybe catch up on some much needed sleep and soon be back in fighting form

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