How to live irresponsibly

I am not exactly known for my spontaneity. I like lists and plans and I find comfort in knowing what's ahead (to a certain extent). I know that makes me a little boring but at 32 I have made peace with that and I know this way of living is unlikely to find me out of work or unable to pay my rent any time soon and this is what keeps me from lying awake at night worrying. I would love to be one of those carefree go with the flow sort of people but I don't think it's a way of life I would come to easily because I would always have bills and responsibilities floating around in the back of my mind.

Sometimes I am little less responsible and I can't say that goes particularly well for me. Case and point, most of my twenties. That's all I'll be saying on that subject but a lot of it was like an experiment on carelessness. That being said, I'm still here so it can't have been as drastic as I once thought. I do on occasion forgo plans to do whatever I feel like doing such as when I'm reading a good book ( which is a frequent occurrence ) and I should be doing other things but I really really don't want to put it down so I find myself lying on my bed/couch thoroughly engrossed and ignoring the murmuring voice in the back of my head that's telling me I should be doing other things. Many a valuable hour has been lost this way but in my own way I don't really consider that a waste. After all everyone needs their escape. 

From time to time I tire of feeling broke all of the time so I take some money that I really shouldn't be spending from my credit union account and I go off have a lovely day which is all well and good until a bill crops up and I realize I spent money that I could have been using towards that. My rent and internet money are stored away religiously but electricity money is saved (or often not saved) in bits and pieces because it is an unpredictable beast. I never know when we are likely to receive a bill or how much it will be and it seems like this unknown quantity leaves me unable to really worry about this bill until it arrives at which time I may or may not have some money aside for it. It happened only recently that I'd taken money out to fund a day trip to Cork and I hadn't even gone shopping there just lunch and a movie but I returned to have my housemate tell me our landlord had finally forwarded our electricity bill and here I was with about €5 to my name. I did manage to work it out because the landlord had already paid the bill so we didn't have to pay it into his account immediately but it was the kick up the bum I required and it reminded me why I am not usually so irresponsible. 

I think part of it comes from dating someone with a completely different attitude to money. I tend to sit down with my bank balance and work out what's left once money has gone into savings, petrol, food and bills and the leftover money is what I spend for the week whereas my boyfriend likes to plan what he will do for the week and work out a long the way if it's financially viable and is often caught by surprise when an unplanned for bill arrives. I think my planning and budgeting strikes a rigid contrast to that and it certainly makes me less fun when trying to plan a day out or a night away. I tend to get too busy worrying about how I  will afford things. And then despite all the worrying I manage to do very silly things like spend over €80 on food shopping without buying anything mad.

The truth is I know very little about living irresponsibly and that's okay. I sure hope you weren't hoping for tips in this blog post because I'm sure you'll have worked out by now that there won't be any. I am trying to blunt the edges of my strong desire to plan for everything but not get to the point where my rent is due and I have to just eat baked beans for a week because I didn't put money away for it. I don't think I'd enjoy my frivolous spending if I had that worrying niggling away in my mind so I'm safe enough on that count.