This madness must end now (or soon)

Yesterday at a kids party I was watching my niece at the chocolate fountain with a spoon and her determination to keep eating even beyond the point where she was likely to be sick reminded me of me. It is no secret that chocolate is not my friend, I have told everyone who will listen and many who really don't want to. I hope I don't have to drag out the photos from my who ate Laura days ( that's when I was fat) just to prove my point. I am not sure if you have heard the expression go big or go home to illustrate how you should give things your all. Well in this case if I don't go home soon, I'll have gotten pretty big.

 My relationship with sugar, I can now appreciate, is not a normal one. When I go through my phases where I am off it, I am pretty strict with myself and I frequently get told that everything is fine in moderation but my problem is that I cannot seem to do chocolate in moderation. I can either have none of it or every last delicious bit. It would seem the best thing to do if you seem me eating sugar is to stay back and wait for the whole thing to blow over. 

 As you may have guessed it my current status is off the wagon. If you hadn't guessed then the slightly crazed look in my eyes and the chocolate smear on my cheek should have given me away. Last week at a party I was joking to someone about the gif that does the rounds online and  shows the cockatoo getting inside a chocolate fountain, in order to illustrate how the chocolate fountain made me feel. This is it, in case you are not acquainted with it.
In my defence, it had been stocked with really good quality chocolate and that is why I woke up with a sugar hangover and chocolate stains on my pants. This is one of many signs that my sugar consumption has become an issue again.

I know there is a possibility you feel I am being melodramatic ( as I am prone to it from time to time) but just state my case here is a list of effects that chocolate and sugar have on me. 

1. It makes me fat (that's an obvious one)
2. It makes me really really emotional. I get teary and angry, argumentative and sometimes really down all post chocolate 
3. It makes my stomach sick (that is my nice way of saying eating sugar has a variety of side effects, none of which are pleasant so I will spare you details) 
4. It makes me hungry all the time
5. it's addictive, once I have had some sugar, all I want it more sugar
6. It makes me hyper and unable to focus
7. it affects my sleep.

This may lead you to wonder if it is that bad then why am I still eating it and the answer to that is that I am hooked but I am close to my breaking point so I will be quitting it again soon before things get too crazy. The other thing is that sugar withdrawal is a terrible awful thing especially the first few weeks so I keep putting it off, do I really want to give up sugar at such a stressful time? probably not.

Sugar withdrawal weirdly effects me much like sugar itself does. It makes me crave sugar, and I get moody and hungry and dizzy and feel sick. It's so bad that every time I put myself through it, I swear that this will be the last time and I am going to kick this habit for good. Obviously I am lying to myself or I wouldn't be blogging about this. Instead of being able to say I quit sugar for life ( like the book) I am saying I quit sugar ( or I will quit it) for now, much like a teenage girl scrawling on a bathroom wall. While there are some similarities of sugar addiction to full on drug addiction (see the list above) you can rest assured that I won't be selling my body for a dairy milk any time soon. 

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