The so called bucket list




For such a prolific list maker it's almost surprising I don't have an actual bucket list. I enjoy writing lists quite a lot, it makes me feel more organized and also I just like planning things in my head. Maybe It's strange but it calms me when it's something I'm worried about and it only serves to heighten the anticipation if its something I'm looking forward to. I'm
Unashamedly a bit of a nerd when it comes to that sort of thing. I even have been known to add one or two completed items to a to do list just to give myself that feeling of achievement.

I don't see the point in deciding exactly what I want to achieve before I die seeing as no one can actually tell me when that will be. I'd only feel foolish if I had 100 things and it turns out I'm going to die before I hit 40 and god forbid I die feeling like an under achiever or worse an
Idiot. I think I'd prefer to aim low and surprise myself. That's me all over , ever the optimist. 

If I was to have a list of things to do it would probably be a when I have money. I never seem to have much now but I live in the hope that a time will come where I can describe myself as something other than shit broke between now and when I 
Do eventually kick the bucket. And if I do
I have plans , big plans. Okay so not really big plans but there are some things I'd like to do. I'd like to retrain either as a play therapist or teacher ( who knows if Money was no option there might be other things), study psychology just because it fascinates me particularly child 
Psychology and criminal
Psychology, I'd like to actually travel and not Europe on a shoestring budget type job but seeing new places in half decent accommodation when possible. I'd like to
do creative writing courses, lots of them , all the courses until any grain of creative talent I have is finely polished and I'll know what my writing voice finally sounds like. I'd replace things when they actually broke like my half dead phone And my temperamental laptop and not just have myself in tears of frustration most nights trying to get either of them to
Complete the simplest of Tasks. 
I'd buy all the books and movies I've ever wanted to read and watch and I'd be happy as a fucking clam doing it.

Finally I'd be a bit more spontaneous in my life. I'd find my inner adventurous spirit and maybe just worry less about Money.

As lists go it's not the most exciting and I am sure there are many more things I could be aiming for before I
Die or when someone eventually recognizes my brilliance and rewards me financially. The list is ever changing with new plans and what ifs around every corner and perhaps that's why I'm
So hesitant to write it down or maybe it's because a part of me hates the thought of having a list that I can't check anything off for the time being. Yes, I really am
That bad. 




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