Secretly I wish I was ....

Secretly I wish I was ...

1. More organized. The nerd in me has insisted on doing this in a numbered list and I'm sure this already makes me more organized than many but still. This morning I got up at 8. It's the one day a week where I don't have work until 1 so I have four and a half hours until I need to leave the house from waking up and I honestly could not tell you where the time goes because I can guarantee come 12.30 I will be running around my apartment in a manner akin to a headless chicken trying to get everything organized and get to work with more than two minutes to spare. It seems the more time I have in the morning the less I seem to get done and that's probably in part because I am not a morning person, I wake groggy and half stuck to my duvet and once you remove the immediate need to get my ass out of bed I start to struggle. This morning I made grand plans. I had some cleaning I wanted to do, I was going to workout and write my blog and obviously I was going to have loads of time left over inbetween having breakfast and my early pre work lunch and I would spend this time reading. It didn't pan out quite as planned but at this point in time I am well used to my practiced inefficiency. I woke as planned at 8am and mentally committed myself to working out but as it happens I really, really didn't want to follow through on this because I was tired and home alone and lazy, okay so I was lazy. Which is why it was 9am before I got started and I most certainly didn't spend the hour inbetween lolling around my bed reading things off my phone and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Actually so far I've gotten everything done but I've been left with no time to spare and so I find myself speed typing a blog post so I have time to eat something else before work and not risk choking myself on a hastily prepared lunch.

2. I wish I could be fitter. I kind of wish I could be fitter without actually doing anything about it. But I have accepted that's not actually going to happen. The run up to Christmas plus some other stuff means I am not likely to be getting home between now and Christmas which means no Crossfit classes argh !! yea I am a little panicked at the possibility I might turn into a blimp over the Christmas season. If I can't wake magically fitter I'd like to wake with get and go, motivation to workout without having to force myself, threaten myself or bribe myself (everyone does that right?) Right now it's a slow process but perhaps I just need to get back into the habit. It would workout as a handy replacement to stuffing my face with chocolate which I have now agreed makes me feel very ill and very emotional. It's almost as if my body is sending me some sort of message but I cant quite work it out. Okay, fine so I hear it loud and clear and I am doing my best to wean myself off.

3. Less of a worrier. I worry as though it's an event in the olympics and I am training for it. Sadly it is not and it's just me making myself feel slightly ill and depriving myself of sleep. I worry about things that might not happen and things that most likely will never happen and things that are going to happen but are beyond my control and when I am done doing all that I start to worry that all this stress is making my stomach problems worse given that they were caused by stress in the first place and so the cycle goes on and on. My parents keep trying to get me to go to meditation and yet I some find myself hesitant to try. I used to have an audio track that was very good back when I used to worry too much to sleep but I'm pretty sure I was using it wrong. You were supposed to sit in a chair and listen to it an hour before bed but I would put it on as I was lying in bed and I don't think I ever got beyond the first five minutes. They wanted me to try a class in town but I honestly couldn't imagine being able to relax and clear my mind while sitting in a room full of strangers. So I'll put it on my to do list. Worry less. Be fitter. Be more organized. Done

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