I hate you the most

Today Laura is not a happy camper, not a happy camper indeed and it's all because of my stupid stomach. Now I will admit to having a tempestuous relationship with my stomach for many many years. It was always too big, too fat, too squishy and It totally wasn't my fault that my diet of crap food and my exercise plan of doing as little as humanely possible helped shape it so, or perhaps it is my fault but I'm not here to point fingers tonight because it's hardly the case these days.

 I have mentioned before that my wake up call came when my stomach/gut problems got so bad that I ended up in hospital. It was like a magical combination of generally bad diet plus way too much wheat plus a whole bucket full of stress and it made me feel so wretched that I began to question my whole outlook on food.

 Since that time I have steadily been working away on my diet and my health but it's been an uphill climb. I gave up wheat which helped a bit and then I gave up spelt once I fully acknowledged it was a form of wheat (this took me some time, denial not just being a river in Egypt and all that) and tried all sorts of anything just to feel better and have less of a belly and more like abs.

 Now on the outside progress is being made, I even see lines that promise to soon be proper definition and for a girl who spent her twenties battling a fear of the muffin top effect, this is very very exciting. It would be lovely to leave it there and say all is rosy but it isn't. While you wouldn't know to look at me, something is causing havoc with my insides.

 I have been battling IBS ever since I stressed myself into getting it in the first place and bravely made the kind of diet changes I would have previously laughed at in the hope of improving my wellbeing and it's all a little hit and miss. Right now I'm properly trying the low fodmap diet which is an elimination diet and I am cutting out all the foods they say cause symptoms for two whole months and then slowly allowing them to creep back into my diet so I can have a much smaller list of food that makes me sick.

 The trouble is that sometimes I'm eating something and I'm wondering if this is okay because the list is too long to memorize and then thirty minutes later I'm hit by awful stomach cramps and I have my answer. If I eat too fast, don't sleep enough or don't have have proper meals then that can have a similar effect so sometimes It's a game called guess why I'm feeling so ill. Anyway two nights ago I had one such episode and I'm still guessing what made me so sick and paying the price every day since. I feel so ugh and so full of air that I have enough anger in me to write 10 poison pen letters to my stomach but I think that might be up there with sending a christmas card to your cat so excuse me if I pass.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The darker side of romance

Image
  For some reason I felt compelled to write about a corner of my past that hasn't been part of my blog before. a heads up to anyone who might be upset by this topic I will be delving into emotional abuse so feel free to stop reading now if you don't feel able to carry on. When I was in my late 20's I met a guy on a night out. He was a few years younger than me and honestly looking back threw up a couple of red flags early but I didn't trust my own intuition plus I was only a few months away from finishing college and planned to move to Edinburgh in a few months so it wasn't like it was going to be anything more than a brief fling. However as time went on I became more infatuated with him, there was an intensity there and he seemed sweet but damaged. Like a perfect modern fairytale I thought I would be the one to fix him. somehow plans changed and he was going to follow me over to Edinburgh, get a job there and we were going to live happily ever after. at this point
Read more

Help, I think I'm autistic

Image
 So I, at the age of 41, have come to the realization that I am autistic.  Growing up I always had a feeling something about me was a little bit off. I never quite fit in and I wasn't sure why. It was like everyone had been given a book of rules of how to exist in society but no one had thought to hand me a copy. Looking back with hindsight the signs were there. I was a super sensitive kid, a sensitivity I have not lost in adulthood, I cried very easily and felt every emotion very deeply. I was a picky eater and very particular about the textures of different food. I was very sensitive to light and noise and the feel of different fabrics. I was never a hugger. all of these things are as true about me now as they were when I was younger. I am socially awkward, I don't make friends that easily and will joke I am an acquired taste. Eye contact is something I have to actively work on and small talk feels like torture.  I thrive on alone time, I am incredibly sensitive to the moods
Read more

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out.
Read more