The perks of being a wallflower


Like an explorer bravely going into unknown territory I found myself heading out in Clonmel on a Saturday night without drinking. While my liver thanks me for my forethought and I am thoroughly glad to wake after a night out without the feeling of oh god did I really ...... I'm not sure I'll be getting any gold stars for my efforts on the Social front.

In case you haven't already surmised this, this post isn't really about the perks of being a wallflower because I'm not entirely sure there are any. I'm sure I mentioned before that when I started drinking socially at 14 I realized I didn't have to be shy and awkward and it seemed like I had discovered some amazing secret that adults were deliberately keeping from us. Having alcohol to fall back meant that I never learned to go out for the night without it and you know that's not entirely a bad thing because some of the best nights I've ever had involved some friends and a few drinks. It's not exactly a good thing either because all of the worst nights I've ever had start with a drink and it's also meant that I've successfully masked my complete social inepitude for most of my adult life (or at least my adult life so far) 

And so I found myself standing awkwardly at the edge of a group, watching the drunken masses of my home town swarm around me and feeling ever so grateful that I had the forethought to wear a chain with my dress so I had somewhere to channel all that nervous energy.

Being the quieter one in a group ( that's not usually me ) you observe more but I hovered awkwardly on the edge of a sentence, not quite working up the courage to join the conversation. Not to say that I sat in a corner by myself for the night but I was certainly a toned down, more restrained version of myself.Which is not all bad, sober Laura doesn't put her foot in her mouth half as much.  Feeling 
Limited within the scope of my own self consciousness and it struck me once again how funny it is that during daylight hours I can easily talk to people at work or in my gym but at night time in a social setting With the same group of people I find myself worried I'd say the wrong thing and suddenly saying nothing at all.

Going out sober felt like a bizarre social experiment and I'm not sure it was entirely successful. My home town is not a pretty place when you stand still enough to observe a room of drunken strangers , not that Waterford is brimming With delight either. For now I'll put it down as could try harder, if I'm
Brave enough to try again

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