The road less travelled


One thing I regret Is that I didn't travel more when I had the chance. It has not escaped my notice that at this point in my life things I regret if written in a list could fill a note book the size of war and peace and would be mostly filled With things I have done as opposed to things
I have not. Let this be an exception. 

I let my twenties slip through my fingers passing up the opportunities to do more and be more. If I was to cast the finger of  blame then I would look not only to myself ( for clearly I am responsible for my own inaction ) but also to my au pairing experience at 20. When l was 20 I had many plans. I had just completed a childcare course and I wanted to get out there and do things. I was going to be an au pair and I was going to travel and it was going to be great. And it was sort of, until I actually became an au pair and between the pockets of new experiences there were long gaps of loneliness and a home sickness so raw I could taste it. This was all compounded by the unwelcoming, difficult family that I lived With and a language barrier. All of this served to sour my experience and when I 
Returned home sooner than planned, suitably educated on the perils of au-pairing, I was glad to be home. I welcomed the familiarity of Ireland, of a house where I didn't feel unwelcome, of friends who could understand me without 
Me needing to dramatically slow my speech. It was all good until I found myself dreaming of travelling again and found that fear and finances and life had gotten in the way.

So now here I am a whole decade later ( quick pause while I freak out about how old that makes me feel) and I have barely travelled . All around me friends and acquaintances are travelling to Australia, New Zealand , Canada, the states and doing the obligatory trips around Asia and I am travelling only in my mind, in my books and perhaps a little vicariously through them and their photos and Facebook posts.

Now I know I am not exactly in my dotage so the fact that I haven't travelled isn't to say that I won't. right now though I am trying oh so hard to get my shit together and doing a rather terrible job and that takes precedence over any little jaunts to far flung corners of the world. When I find myself awake an hour before I need to be up worrying about the days I need off next month for a possible house move, I know I won't be booking tickets anywhere soon. But maybe this heart of mine will get to travel soon. I might just win the lotto but really I ought to start playing it. 

Comments

  1. Tinkering Tilly18 September 2013 at 04:45

    <3 <3 <3 I too have started playing the lotto Laura, because when you get the bug, theres no stopping you!I seem to be always looking for the next route out! I have a feeling were you to start roaming and blogging your way around the world, it might be another decade before we'd see you again!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out....
Read more

How long does it take to learn to drive?

Image
I remember my nieces a year or so back asking me in an incredulous tone how long it takes to learn to drive because for as long as they could remember I had L plates on my car. The answer in my case is four years. Admittedly I probably could have gotten my full licence sooner if I hadn't been so hesitant to do my test in the three years that have passed since my last attempt. I get very anxious during tests or Interviews and so do not perform particularly well at either. I will put that in my list of things I need to work on in the new year. In time since I have learned to drive I feel I have accomplished a lot and yet I will go out of my way to avoid having to parallel park because I feel like its always going to be my Achilles heel. At least I have come a long way from the days when I used to feel anxious about getting into my car and was likely to bunny hop across roundabouts in third gear. The problem with learning to drive is that the older you do the harder it is and...
Read more

Burnout: the sequel

Image
  I am burnt out. Hardly the most shocking declaration given I have been saying it out loud for a while now but here we are. This isn't my first run in with burn out nor will it likely be my last. Not only am I working in a stressful job, a social care worker in residential care, which is no stranger to burn out but also I am autistic so its like I know a secret short cut to getting there. I think as bragging goes this is up there with declaring how many times I have managed to catch covid. Which is 4 at my current count and they say there are no benefits to working in Health care. If you are lucky enough to not have experienced burnout then I can tell you its not an experience I would recommend to a friend. If you have friends working in social care then you probably wont need to.  Some of the things I have been experiencing are random bouts of crying. Given high sensitivity is part of my autism profile, I am no stranger to crying and the first time I experienced burnout it t...
Read more