All or nothing


I am an all or nothing type of girl. Or woman would be probably be more accurate except it's a label I haven't really gotten comfortable using to describe myself so let's just say I am an all or nothing type of girl-woman. I like to commit myself fully even when it leads to my downfall. If it can really be said that we learn from our mistakes then I will consider myself well educated. Personally I prefer to make the mistake a few times before going to the bother of learning from it.

 I have been told many times that I am too honest in my blog and also in my life but I don't know how to be less so. I tend to sit in thoughtful silence or just say everything that's in my head no matter how random or occasionally inappropriate it might be. I often wish the delay between the thought entering my head and exiting my mouth was longer.
When I'm into someone I wear my heart on my sleeve and it's only asking for trouble. I want to play it cool and be mysterious yet find myself confessing how much I like them as soon as I realize I do. People tell me I should hold myself back a little and I nod at this sage advice as though I am really considering it and try not to think about the chorus of I told you so's I hear in my head when I go ahead and ignore it. 

 I find I veer between turning laziness into an art form, since Tuesday last I have been a virtual sloth, and squeezing as many crossfit classes as my body will allow over two days. I think it was Friday of this week before I stopped wincing to bend over.  To be fair this has much to do with how often I  can get off work to go home to train as it does my inherent laziness.

 A balance would be nice, a happy medium yet instead I seesaw wildly between one extreme and another . When my diet came under scrutiny a few years back, due to health, weight and over all well being, I found I swiftly went from eating all the wheat to none at all. Gradually I removed everything making me feel ill or bloated but not before gorging on enough of said food item to be certain that it did in fact make me sick. At the moment I am over 3 months off sugar, all sugar or at least I was.

 Yesterday I was hit with a bizarre craving for sugar and convinced myself I would not be sick when really what I meant was I might be sick but this chocolately thing looks delicious and within an hour bought two packs of dark chocolate rice cakes and then consumed all of them like some sort of savage. Unsurprisingly after purging all sugar out of my diet and then eating 12 chocolate rice cakes I was not a well woman. Any normal woman would have eaten three or four and only been fractionally unwell but not I. So back on the wagon I climb accepting that I clearly can't eat them and yes sugar still makes me sick. Well done Laura, another lesson learned. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out ..

Image
I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm sarcastic. Often that I'm too sarcastic (as though there could be such a thing) and I have retort up my sleeve for such occasions which is if you think I'm sarcastic you should meet my mother. No, really you should because my sarcasm is but a pale imitation of hers. Every so often though I come out without something that makes my friends or other family members pause because sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.  It's funny how people always take the words you are turning into your mother as such an insult because the reality of the matter is it's a both a good and bad thing. Obviously there are certain qualities I am perfectly happy to emulate and others not so much and on the whole I am not entirely sure how much control I have over it. It's not quite a pick and mix counter here. I think there are some habits you are not even aware you have picked up until someone else kindly points it out....
Read more

How long does it take to learn to drive?

Image
I remember my nieces a year or so back asking me in an incredulous tone how long it takes to learn to drive because for as long as they could remember I had L plates on my car. The answer in my case is four years. Admittedly I probably could have gotten my full licence sooner if I hadn't been so hesitant to do my test in the three years that have passed since my last attempt. I get very anxious during tests or Interviews and so do not perform particularly well at either. I will put that in my list of things I need to work on in the new year. In time since I have learned to drive I feel I have accomplished a lot and yet I will go out of my way to avoid having to parallel park because I feel like its always going to be my Achilles heel. At least I have come a long way from the days when I used to feel anxious about getting into my car and was likely to bunny hop across roundabouts in third gear. The problem with learning to drive is that the older you do the harder it is and...
Read more

Burnout: the sequel

Image
  I am burnt out. Hardly the most shocking declaration given I have been saying it out loud for a while now but here we are. This isn't my first run in with burn out nor will it likely be my last. Not only am I working in a stressful job, a social care worker in residential care, which is no stranger to burn out but also I am autistic so its like I know a secret short cut to getting there. I think as bragging goes this is up there with declaring how many times I have managed to catch covid. Which is 4 at my current count and they say there are no benefits to working in Health care. If you are lucky enough to not have experienced burnout then I can tell you its not an experience I would recommend to a friend. If you have friends working in social care then you probably wont need to.  Some of the things I have been experiencing are random bouts of crying. Given high sensitivity is part of my autism profile, I am no stranger to crying and the first time I experienced burnout it t...
Read more