All or nothing


I am an all or nothing type of girl. Or woman would be probably be more accurate except it's a label I haven't really gotten comfortable using to describe myself so let's just say I am an all or nothing type of girl-woman. I like to commit myself fully even when it leads to my downfall. If it can really be said that we learn from our mistakes then I will consider myself well educated. Personally I prefer to make the mistake a few times before going to the bother of learning from it.

 I have been told many times that I am too honest in my blog and also in my life but I don't know how to be less so. I tend to sit in thoughtful silence or just say everything that's in my head no matter how random or occasionally inappropriate it might be. I often wish the delay between the thought entering my head and exiting my mouth was longer.
When I'm into someone I wear my heart on my sleeve and it's only asking for trouble. I want to play it cool and be mysterious yet find myself confessing how much I like them as soon as I realize I do. People tell me I should hold myself back a little and I nod at this sage advice as though I am really considering it and try not to think about the chorus of I told you so's I hear in my head when I go ahead and ignore it. 

 I find I veer between turning laziness into an art form, since Tuesday last I have been a virtual sloth, and squeezing as many crossfit classes as my body will allow over two days. I think it was Friday of this week before I stopped wincing to bend over.  To be fair this has much to do with how often I  can get off work to go home to train as it does my inherent laziness.

 A balance would be nice, a happy medium yet instead I seesaw wildly between one extreme and another . When my diet came under scrutiny a few years back, due to health, weight and over all well being, I found I swiftly went from eating all the wheat to none at all. Gradually I removed everything making me feel ill or bloated but not before gorging on enough of said food item to be certain that it did in fact make me sick. At the moment I am over 3 months off sugar, all sugar or at least I was.

 Yesterday I was hit with a bizarre craving for sugar and convinced myself I would not be sick when really what I meant was I might be sick but this chocolately thing looks delicious and within an hour bought two packs of dark chocolate rice cakes and then consumed all of them like some sort of savage. Unsurprisingly after purging all sugar out of my diet and then eating 12 chocolate rice cakes I was not a well woman. Any normal woman would have eaten three or four and only been fractionally unwell but not I. So back on the wagon I climb accepting that I clearly can't eat them and yes sugar still makes me sick. Well done Laura, another lesson learned. 

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